April 24, 2014



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I miss you. So much. Why aren't you in my life right now? I wish I knew. You say it's because our schedules are just too hectic. We don't have time to see each other right now because of work. Well, you know what? I don't believe that. It's a bunch of bullshit. If I am supposed to be your best friend, you should be able to make time for me. I know it's not too much to ask of you. Well, maybe, it is. All I ever wanted from you was friendship. But now, it seems I want something different. I want you as more than a friend. I guess it all really started during the summer after my freshmen year, after you broke up with my best friend, Hidee. Well, now that I think about it, I've always had a crush on you since Amanda introduced me to you that August, almost three years ago. Have I really known you that little of time? It seems like I've known you a lifetime. It seems like I've known you my whole life. You know so much about me, practically everything, except for this. I love you Chris. You do know I love you, you just don't know in what way. I love you as so much more than as a friend. I want to be with you Chris. I want to be that girl who gets to hold your hand. I want to be that girl who gets to feel your embraces and know that she is truly loved. I want to be that girl who gets to kiss you. But most of all, above everything I've just listed, I just want to be in your life again. I want to spend time with you.

Last summer, Chris, was the best summer I've ever had. It'll probably be one that I'll remember forever too. It was the summer that you kissed me. I still say it was a kiss, but in reality, it wasn't. All it was, was "just two friends trying stuff" right? God why was I so stupid. Why didn't I just kiss you back? Maybe it was because you had just broken up with Hidee, my best friend, and I didn't want to hurt her. Goddamn me though for being so thoughtful. I can't stand myself sometimes. Always putting other people's happiness in front of my own. I'm so stupid. If I had only kissed you back. If I had only told you that I liked you then and there. If I could only tell you that I still feel the same way now. My love for you has lasted through my first boyfriend,a few guys who were screw-ups, a really good boyfriend, who I probably shouldn't have broken up with because he was so good to me, and my current boyfriend now. My love for you has lasted throughout all of that. Amazing isn't it? When I think back to it's probably what brought me and those guys apart. The thought of maybe having you. Maybe being with you. Look what you are doing to me Chris. You make me crazy. When I see you, when you call, when you just look at me, I go nuts. My stomach does flip-flops. I don't know what to do. But all I really want to do is say, "Chris, I want to be with you," and then kiss you. Why can't I do that? Why is it that time never worked out for us? Why is it that we never ended up together? Maybe it was because our timing was off. Whenever I had a boyfriend, you were free. And whenever you had a girlfriend I was usually free.

Recently I found out that you liked me last summer. You told me yourself, and I'm sure you don't joke about stuff like that. In fact, I know you don't joke about stuff like that. God why was I so stupid? Why didn't I take the chance when I had it. I'm so stupid. I wonder, if you are sitting in your bedroom right now, thinking of me, as I am thinking of you. Could it be that you still have those feelings for me that you had last summer? Could that be possible. Because God Chris, I've had these feelings for you for so long, I don't know how much longer I can keep them locked inside of me. They are tearing up all the relationships I have with any other guy. Why can't we just magically be together? In a year from now I won't see you anymore. You'll be going off to college, and I'll never see you, again. So I guess, my chance is now, to tell you how I really feel. But how can I do that, with my boyfriend? I guess either way, it's going to break me and him up, but he'll be so upset. God, I wish life was easy. I wish I could be with you. I wish I had the guts to tell you that I love you and want you as more than a friend. I wish I could kiss you. I wish I could do so many things. But most of all, I wish I could have you back in my life. Because all of this not knowing where you are, how you are, what you're doing, and what your life is like right now is driving me completely insane. Comeback to me Chris. Come back to your best friend. If I can't have you as a boyfriend, a best friend will do. Just as long as you're here with me. Just as long as I can look in your eyes, and see that you still love me as I love you.




So.There  -  It's about closure...

However rare true love may be, it is less so than true friendship.
-François Duc de La Rochefoucauld