July 23rd or 24th it was, I remember. That was the day it came to an end. That was the day I ripped everything away. Me, myself. I did it to my self. Everything now that we once had..all of it are just memories. Memories..like how everything becomes. And I guess that that's what I'm most afraid of becoming to you. Your memory..just your past, which I pretty much have become even though we talk pretty much everyday. I guess I'm just stupid. I didn't mean to hurt you..I knew it would. It wasn't easy. It was hard, harder than anything anyone could possibly imagine. I you know that when I wrote that email..I still loved you. And even know as I wrote those words to you: "Jessie It' just not working out." You know, I only half meant it. I know the distance between us would have ended sooner or later anyway. I know the fact that I couldn't even touch you once would soon wear and tear on our hearts till we cracked. I had to end it before it did.

After I ended it, the second when I pressed the "send" button, I regretted it. I regretted it for so long. I think I still do. Its weird how you can screw your self over so easily and rip away everything from you in an instant. I was blind and I was dumb and I was foolish. And I know that. It's been about 6 months since we went out..and there isn't a day that I wonder what it could have been like. But I know in the end we would come to the inevitable conclusion, heartbreak. You know as well as I that the distance would kill us in the end. Its so annoying that one factor like distance can stop true love from happening. So very stupid. But with heartbreak we learn more. We still don't know if we are destined for each other. I look at you as my soul mate. I remember how we used to talk about growing old together..in our apartment in New York City. Living together. Maybe we still have a chance, life throws twists and turns at you everyday, you never know.

Jessie..I want you to know that your still my princess, my sweet escape. And I want you to know that I can't eat an Oreo without thinking about the day when you said you loved me and I had dropped it in the milk and I foolishly said "I dropped my cookie in the milk..". I want you to know that every Wednesday I think about picking up the phone to call you so we could watch Dawsons Creek together..our Picnic Night. I miss you. And I miss being your lover, and I miss you being mine. And even though we talk everyday, I know its not the same. And I miss your voice when I'm not talking to you. I think the thing that hurts the most now..is the way you say my name. Not like before. It's..different. It's not the same..and I miss it. You will always be in my heart and I will always love you no matter what. I want you to hold my hand and tell me it will be ok. But you can't. And I fear I'm slowly becoming a memory, You will never be a memory Jessie, it's not possible. You run on repeat in my head like a CD in a CD player. I will always have you in my heart. Always.

Maybe soon we can have that apartment in the city Jessie..so we can grow old together. I love you. I miss you.

.Chris.