It has been many years since we were friends. Somehow, our relationship deteriorated to a strained few sentences on the odd occasion that we arrive at the same place, a long stretch from the times that we were inseparable. When I look back on school, it is our relationship that I remember. The way we could always find something to laugh about, the way we would finish each other's sentences, the way you saved my life. You didn't know it, but it was the fact that someone as funky as you would want me as a friend, that made me think that perhaps I did deserve a place in society. For all of this, I will forever be indebted to you.

It has now been 7 years since school, and every month I have wanted to call. If for no other reason than to say thank you. At first I didn't because of my phone-phobia. But then I knew it would be awkward. It had been too long for us to talk about the day-to-day things that had paled into insignificance with time. Yet there were no major occurrences to fill the conversation either. I realise that this is why we cannot talk when we meet any more, and I accept that, although I do regret that I let it happen.

The responsibility is also yours, though. For every one of my failings that contributed to the demise of our relationship was also yours. Like me, you never called, or visited, or wrote. When I became ill, I didn't hear from you. I didn't expect to, nor did I want to. During that time I didn't want to hear from anyone from my pre-illness days, because I could see the dramatic changes in me, both physically and mentally, which would require explanations that would I was not prepared to give.

It is because of this that I now cannot allow myself to contact you. I can see that you would think that any contact from me would be out of pity for you centered around your illness. I assure you, though, that I only want to say thank you for making this life the best of two options. I hope that there is someone currently in your life who can do the same for you that you once did for me. Since I am no longer part of your life, I cannot return the favour myself. And that is a regret that I will bear for the remainder of my life.

- A