I'm writing because I feel I must.

I stress about things. For example, I stress about getting overhead compartment space on airplanes.

There's got to be a better way to carry things in an airplane.

I've even considered putting my packed items into prophylactics and swallowing them.

But that hardly concerns you.

To get to the point, I stress about our Apartment Complex's laundry room.

I'm pretty clear on the physics involved: water + soap + agitation = clean. And the room itself is OK. Its not located on a fault-line or anything. But the functioning of the Laundry room is what gives me problems.

I run into trouble with the rules of usage. What happens when 2 people want to use the Laundry Room?

First come first serve, Right?

No duh. So lets establish that as rule number one.

First come first serve, Right?

1) The Room is First Come First Served.

But it gets more complicated. To help ease my mental anguish, I'd appreciate it if we could settle on some other rules, as well. My therapist and parole agent agree that this would be helpful.

Here goes:

2) If you find wet, clean clothes in the washer, you may remove them and place them on the top of the dryer. You may then go ahead and use the Washer. The person who left their clothes is holding back the entire team. The Show must go on. If you are expected to wait for that person to return, they have effectively filibustered the Laundry Room out of commission.

2a. Some have argued that the clothes should be placed IN the dryer. But if you need to use the dryer before the owner returns, that's a SECOND time you have to touch the clothes when you remove them. And since forgotten laundry invariably is a load of panties and jockstraps, its good to touch them as little as possible.

2b. Others have argued (Smith '79) that the laundry should be placed in the dryer and TURNED ON. But this good Samaritan deed quickly loses its goodness if delicate "HANG DRY" items are ruined by the act. Good intentions won't help Gertie in Apt 4G squeeze into her shrunken tube top.

3) If your clothes finish in the washer before the owner of the wet, clean clothes shows up, go ahead and use the dryer.

3a. You are allowed to go ahead and start a second load in the washer. You have thus secured both machines (AKA a "Lockout" or "Appliance Monopoly") for as many loads as you like (or until you miss your "ding" and someone else removes your damp clothes). The person who left their clothes in the dryer initially is screwed.

4) If you find clean clothes done in the dryer, place them on top of the dryer, a folding table, or other clean surface. No need to fold. Please don't try on the mystery clothes (no matter how frilly and pretty they look).

These are easy to follow aren't they? I just cant bear to spend another day sifting through your laundry and sniffing the fuzzy remnants in the lint basket without putting some of these nagging issues to rest.

Thanks for the cooperation.

p.s. The open invite to watch Jeopardy in my place every night at 7 still stands!!!

John Halcyon Styn