As I sit here, writing this letter, I am overcome with an incredible feel of love for you. And then, I feel the hate.

I want you to know, Sami, that you meant more to me as a best friend, then anyone ever could have. You spent the most wonderful times of my life with me, and you didn't leave when things weren't so wonderful.

Until now.

I'm hurt. This may sound like an immature "you broke my heart" cry for love from a teenager... and maybe that's what it is. But I mean every word of it.

Why, Sami? Why? Why did we have to fall apart? Why do things change?

I am MAD at you for changing. For changing and being someone else. For not loving me like your sister, for not staying Friday nights with me anymore, for not going to the football games with me, for not coming over to tan our bodies in the warm summer sun. I am mad at you for all those nights I spent WASTING with you, chasing fireflies and braiding hair. I am hurt for all the emotions you will never know.. about how you saved me from myself, and all the doors you somehow opened, and the life, you somehow changed.

I am dead, dead because you're not LOVING ME ANYMORE, SAMI!

Why? Why is everything black and white for you? Is that how it is now? When we change... so does the love we had for each other?

School is starting tomorrow, Sami. And it is going to hurt like hell to pass you in that hallway, to look you in the eyes, ans smile. To smile at you, Sami... is a pain, deeper than one you will ever know. Because I feel fake. Remember, Sami.. how we hated fake?

So, Sami, tomorrow... when I see you, maybe I will wave. If I can lift my hand for you, if I can bring the will into myself. It's inside me. It forever will be.

I love you like my very own sister, Sami. More than you will ever know... more than you could ever dream... and all that you will never feel.

Unconditionally,

Alyssa