I know it was a very long time after the fact, but I had to know for certain. Several months doesn't stop the damned rumor mill; it keeps rolling on and on, regardless of what point our relationship is at now: dead stop. Over, I'd say. Took this long to get that into my head, though you knew it the first day I moved out, never mind what I said at the time.

Gathering up a little courage and a twelve-pack, I called over Larry the other night. I asked him to confirm what my best friend had told me long ago, and he did.

Three occasions, to be exact. What's worse is that I know where I was and what I was doing while you were fucking him.

First time: Halloween Afternoon. Just taking my lunch break from work, at your house, wondering how you were doing at your job. You were taking your lunch break too, I gathered. How filling was it?

Second time: The next night. Remember the bachelorette party you went to? So do I. I was at home, waiting up till about 3 in the morning to see if you had a good time or not and that you made it home safe.

Third time: I don't remember this date. I was helping Matt move out of his apartment at the beach. You were making it with Larry in the living room. Just dumb shit luck and convenience that I happened to leave that night and he happened to show up. That's pretty much how he put it.

Of course there are worse parts to all this than just the infidelity. The jealousy that I lived under for a year and a half is one. That I couldn't talk to, much less be friends with, another person of the opposite gender, unless of course she happened to be one of your friends and we were all together. But I learned to take it in stride. If that's what you wanted to be happy with me, I could live with it. I didn't have too many close friends of that nature any damn way. No big loss.

Of course it hits me a bit differently now. Thinking of all the male friends you had in your life, some of which were my friends, some were your own that you'd made after we were together.

Another thing that makes it worse is that you are not the first to do this to me, nor is Larry. This makes three, you know. Kinda funny, I think, when I'm feeling masochistic, and not in that fun, spanky kinda way. I wonder sometimes if it shows more of the kind of friends I make, or the girlfriends.

It just isn't fair. That's what I told Larry, half fighting the tears, but mostly wanting him to leave so I could just let them fall. That I did all I could to be happy with you, but you apparently didn't do anything. Larry said it was an email from Penny that got you to distrust me over the whole thing and drew you to him for it. Heh...one woman I wanted completely out of my life, which I'd pushed out of my life for trying to fuck up my relationships in the past, and she STILL finds a way to fuck 'em up even now. And she doesn't even know it. That's irony.

"If a person is so unhappy with their mate that they have to go fuck someone else, why stay with that person?" I believe those were your words. I suppose I took them a bit too much to heart. That if you were ever unhappy with me, you'd let me know about it, rather than just cheating on me. You knew how I felt about Leanne. How she runs around on Jimmy without him knowing it, but Lord help him if he should go get a piece somewhere else. It was always one of the things I hated about her. Her hypocrisy, and you knew that. I thought I made it pretty damn clear. And of all the little personality quirks you could have picked up from your best friend, you chose that one. Go fig.

I guess your hypocrisy knows no bounds.

Love,

Takk