I remember the very first time I fell in love with you. We were laying in my living room, covered under blankets, and you were holding my hand. You kissed me, in the middle of my sentence, and took my breath away. Love, for a 13 year old... well, it never is easy.

Am I really to young to love? Am I too young to spend hours at night, tossing and turning, wondering if I'll ever get to sleep? Am I too young to know that you were him, the one I had waited forever for? The one that I had dreamed about, playing dress-up, when I was only five. The one my mom and dad promised me would eventually come along? Am I too young to recognize that love has many flavors, many disguises, one of them leading only to pain. And you, Nick... you led only to pain.

What you did, well... it's unforgivable. I've determined this because I can't let go. I've tried, for two years now, and my heart still wakes up every morning, bleeding YOUR name.

Why kiss me, Nick, if your lips were venom-covered? Why hold me, sweetheart, if your arms weren't quite that strong? Why whisper nothings... if you know they're only lies? Because it feels good? Because it's comforting? Because it sounds like Heaven?

This is no Heaven. I'll have you know, this is no Heaven. This is pain, from Hell... and it's got you all in it. You, with your lying eyes, you with your sweet-talking lips, you with your heart steel covered. You, unbreakable. Unlovable. Unrealistic.

And to think... I still remember, the first time I fell in love with you.