You have a part of my heart and you always will. Though sometimes I feel like I hate you, I know that we have a special bond that binds us. I used to despise you. I hated the promises you made to me because I was foolish enough to believe them. I wanted to believe them with all my heart.

I haven't spoken to you in almost 10 months and I don't know where you are now. You still rest in my heart and each day become more significant in my thoughts. I wonder what you are doing with your life and how you are making out. Perhaps you have fulfilled the dreamy aspirations that you once confided to me. I wonder if you still smell of English Leather. Most of all, I wonder if you think about me. I hope you do because I think we shared something really important.

Around this time we met. Amid the celebration of Christmas and New Years, we clung to each other with an almost silly desperation. There were forces pulling us apart, but we blindly ignored them. I was so afraid of losing you that I hung on with fear and anxiety. You were my life line. Little did I know that that was what was going to push you away.

I want to talk to you now. I know that we can't be together--not now or ever. That's not why I want to see you. I want to reminisce and share my feelings. I know that when we parted, I couldn't have talked rationally with you. I want that opportunity now. I know that you are the only person who can truly understand what I say when I talk about 'it'. That's why we share this special connection.

I long to see your grey eyes which once looked upon me with affection. I want to lean against your shoulder and perhaps let myself feel what I did so long ago--happiness and a silly glow of innocence and naivete. Even if it were just for a single moment.

Wishing for the past but accepting the starkness of reality,

Colene