I loved you. Perhaps, in some strange twisted way, I still do. We both know I've always been a little different.

Any other woman would have jumped for you the moment they knew you could express your feelings, were searching for a soulmate, had a prestigious well paying job and travelled to wonderful places often.

But not me.

Why? Let's call it intuition.

Its been two years since you destroyed me. Slowly, carefully, patiently I have put the pieces back together (with the help of some friends that I will never ever be able to repay). I replayed every conversation we ever had, every note you ever wrote me, every hesitation, every emotion I ever heard in your voice. I did that for a year. I gave away the things you gave me, because the torture was too much.

You returned my photos in January; I felt like I had been hit by a truck - I cried for days. I had thought I was over you. I had been asking for them - it was my only excuse to try and communicate with you anymore. Try, because you would never talk to me, or return my calls. You had always told me that you could never just be my friend, that you loved me too much - something I never understood at the time.

I made some mistakes - that I freely admit. I was scared, so very scared. I had been dead inside for so long, and you started a fire that eventually consumed me. I thank you for awakening my soul, and for showing me what I want, but, even in retrospect, I do not regret anything I did or any decision I made. I thought long and hard, and know I did not deserve the way you left things - left me wondering what the hell happened to you.

I catch myself thinking of you less and less these days, for which I am thankful. Perhaps one day I will even forget the beauty of your voice, the way you encouraged me with my work, and how much I enjoyed being your "sweet girl". I did get curious though. I went out looking for you. I bet you never expected that, and expected even less that I would find you.

But I did.

I hope you are enjoying your new job, are enjoying your return to academic life, and the country. I am sure it suits you - being able to have horses, a big garden, somewhere to build your furniture and paint. I hope you are blissfully happy and content. I hope you are relaxed and comfortable - making new friends and becoming a part of your new community.

Why? Because the happier you are, the more you have to lose. You know I can take it all away, and won't hesitate. You always knew that though sweet, I truly am a blackhearted bitch. If you ever fuck with someone the way you did me, I will not hesitate; not even for a millisecond. So, you better behave, and start looking over your shoulder.

My love to the wife and kids,

Cassie