I thought that I was over what you put me through. How sadly I was mistaken. Everytime someone mentions your name I realize I hate you more with every passing day instead of less. You tried to separate me from all of my friends and family. You told me everyday what a slut I had for a mother even though she has not done anything in her life that would justify you calling her that, except maybe seeing you for what you really were. You manipulated me into feeling as though I had let you down by hanging out with my own friends. I was forbidden to have a life that didn't revolve around you. You made my life hell, yet I couldn't leave you for two and a half years. After everything you did to me, you had the nerve to tell me that I was a "worthless, God-damned, motherfucking whore" and you "were the best thing that would ever happen to me" and I was letting you "walk right out of my life when I would never do any better." I believe those were your exact words.

I made a mistake in our relationship. I let myself care about you. I was mentally stable when you and I began to date, but two years later I was on anti-depressants and mood stabilizers going to a counselor every week and a shrink once a month. You made me hate myself. You ripped every ounce of self-esteem I had apart. You killed me. I can't believe I let myself be controlled by someone not worth the ground I walk on. You turned me suicidal. I carved 'die' in my arm with an exacto knife. You never cared. You blamed my mother. Eventually I thought that you were right and I began to blame my mom and the rest of my family for my misery. You told me you didn't give a shit if I killed myself, but when I overdosed you got pissed when I didn't call you to tell you I was okay.

You caused my mom and I to fight constantly. I was almost kicked out of my house because you called her a worthless bitch so she could hear you. That was a stupid petty thing to do. You knew what would happen, but you wanted to test who I loved the most. You lost. My friends and family won.

I will hate you until the day I die, but I will never let myself forget you. The day I do that I could let it all happen again with someone else. So in a sense I guess I should thank you. You made me realize that not all guys out there are worth a damn. You also made me realize that no matter how strong willed and independent a person is, all it takes is someone like you to come along and mentally and emotionally kill them.

I was happy as I was, but you made me doubt myself. I never felt good enough for you. I stopped eating when I thought that you would love me more if I were thinner. Well, you could see all of my ribs and you still found some fat on my body to tease me about.

You forbid me to hug any of my male friends because you were afraid I would like them more than you. You were afraid to leave me alone with my female friends because they saw what you were doing to me. You feared they would convince me to leave you and then you would have no more control in your life.

I was controlled. Everything I said and did was controlled by you. You made me tell my only brother that I did not want him at my graduation because you didn't like him. You made me beg you to go to my senior prom and even pay for your tux rental. You bitched every second about how much it was going to suck, but you know what, you never had to go. We broke up and I had someone who wanted to be there with me on my arm.

I thank God for that phone call from you everyday. That meant I had my life back. I could be me. But that wasn't easy anymore. You took "me" away. So I had to form a new me. One that would never let another man raise a hand to her nor let him jerk her around by her hair. Or ever let another man control any part of her. I will never let another person take me away from my friends and family. You never loved me, you only wanted to control me. You took me away from my friends when we needed each other the most. You separated me from Ali when her brother had just committed suicide and you stayed with me when I was with her. You couldn't even leave me and my best friend alone in her time of need.

You know what? FUCK YOU! I see you on campus and I want you to die. Even though I want you to die right this second, I can't think of any way painful enough. I want you to suffer as you made me suffer all that time. I want you to know what it feels like to lose your whole family and have someone control every move you make. You are shit. You don't deserve to live. If I could wish you dead this second and you would actually drop dead, I would do it in a heartbeat and NEVER regret it. I would regret the fact that I couldn't make you suffer, only die quickly. But I live with the thought that 'what goes around comes around' and I believe your day will come.

Tara