I used to cuddle with you in the dark. I used to sing you to sleep. I used to leave sweet messages on your voicemail to cheer you up. I used to call you before I went to sleep just to say 'I love you'. I used to sing "you are my sunshine" to you in German. You used to snuggle me before sleeping. You used to call me precious.

You used to let me drive your car, even in the rain. You used to carry me on your back. You used to give me great big bedhugs. We used to make love. We used to hold hands. We used to sing real loud in the car. We used to be in love. We used to go to the same carnivals.

Why am I writing all this? I wonder it myself. It is because I want to remember all the good times before they are dissolved by the acid of my hate. I want to write it all down and store it away in case my horrible feelings of anger towards you never subside. I don't want to hate you, but I hate what you did to me, and that is making me hate you. I want to get over that hate but I can't get past it just yet : it's too soon.

My love for you will never die, but it will fade. It already started to. I see the dull color it has become around the edges. And every time david tells me he saw you in the diner with your new sunshine, it fades more, and starts to crumble. I will never love you like I used to, but that's to be expected.

We're not what we used to be.

Love,