Although you will probably never see this letter, I am going to write it to you anyway for my piece of mind. Maybe someday I will have the courage to put your name instead of "Steve", but for now I can't. I hope and hope and hope you don't realize who I am writing to is really you, and if you do I hope you don't take this letter with the seriousness I mean for it.

I just want to apologize for telling you I love you. I didn't mean it when I said it, I didn't even know what love was at the time. I only said it to you because you said it to me, and how stupid would it have sounded saying 'thanks' instead of 'I love you, too'? I shouldn't have cared about how I looked or sounded, in the end I ended up being a true idiot for saying something I didn't mean. It would have spared both of us a lot of anger and resentment if I just hadn't said it back.

I don't even think you loved me, either. You are the typical little boy who calls himself a man, that will tell a girl anything to get what you want. That sure did work for me. I can't blame myself for not seeing past your 'I love you's; maybe my previous comment about me being the idiot in our relationship was wrong, maybe you're the idiotic one.

I never loved you because I didn't meet you until three months after the 'I love you's were said. This medium of communications in our society, this thing we call the Internet, can do a lot of things. It can send mail with the click of a button; it can give you an entire library; it can even show you pictures of places half-way around the world. It cannot make two people fall in love.

When I met you in "real life", you turned out to be the complete opposite of who I thought you were. I thought you were a gentlemanly, sweet man. But you weren't. You aren't. I could call you names and complain about our relationship, like you did to me out of anger, but I'm not going to. I can only hope and pray that you receive some kind of psychological therapy for your addictions.

What you and I had, though traumatic, made me grow stronger. My first day of high school was when I realized that the world is such a big, beautiful place and there are so many opportunities out there. When I was with you, it seemed like you were the only thing I had and therefore had to hold on to. What you and I had together also made me exceedingly grateful for the real men out there, the kind who send me flowers and shower me with the affection I deserve. I never thought that was the normal thing for a boyfriend to do; you made me think the only thing men were there for was for women to be dependent upon. For six months of my life, the months I was with you, I wasn't a whole person. I was only half of a person. Now I'm a whole person, an individual.

I'm not going to apologize for being angry in this letter. I started it out apologizing, and I'm going to end it asking for your forgiveness. I know I'm never going to hear 'I'm sorry' from you, I can't expect that since I don't even have the courage to send you this. You've made me an angry person, and I will always remember you for that.