Do you have any idea how much I love you, and how much it hurts me to see you hurt? How I cry when you cry? How mad I become when you are angered by something? And how much I laugh and smile when you are happy and contented? It is strange to be so utterly intertwined in your life that when you become busy, and don't have time to tell me how many times you blinked that day, I feel hollow, and lost. Yet on the other hand, I am so proud of you for facing your struggles head on. I know it makes no sense, and I don't suppose it ever will. I hope you can forgive me for all the times I was short-tempered, or critical, or just plain unfriendly towards you. I become so frustrated when I cannot save you from your demons. You know how much I like/need to be in control.

When something is hurting you, I want to say I understand, but I might not. I want to tell you it will all get better, but I can't promise when. I want to tell you that you are not the only one who has had to deal with this, yet you and your life are so completely unique that no one has been through what you have, the way you have. I am so afraid of saying the wrong thing, but also scared that if I say nothing, you will think that I don't support you. I hope you understand what I am trying to say. But I'm confident you do. We have some kind of bond that simply baffles me. I don't fully understand how we have become so close. When we go through times occassionally where we drift apart a little bit, I get so scared, and don't know how I could ever make it without you. I don't like to think about death, but I can only hope that I die the same day as you. I simply couldn't bear to be without you. I marvel in our friendship every day, and strive never to take it for granted.

My sister, you have grown and blossomed so much in this short time that it almost scares me. What if you outgrow me? I love to see you tackle a problem on your own, and find what you need inside of yourself to get through it, but I still can't help but feel left out.

I know that is selfish and petty, and hope you understand where that feeling comes from. You don't need to justify your actions to me. You do not need my opinion to make decisions. You are strong enough to get through this, and more. Please don't ever underestimate your strength and control. Maybe we can learn to have some faith in fate. Maybe fate can learn to have some faith in us.

I came across something we both need to instill in ourselves:

"Fear knocked at the door.
Faith answered - - no one was there."

I love you with everything in me and will always be here for you.

My deepest love,
always and forever,