You will never be able to take back the things that you have done to me, though I see how you try to pretend they never happened. Did it make you feel big? Did it make you feel big to ruin me the way you did? And you know what you did. You will always know what you did to me. No matter how much the smile on your face tries to hide it. That will always be with you, and that is the only revenge I have for you.

For the longest time I would lay in my bed awake at night. And I would think of ways to forget what you did to me. What you made me do. I would try to forget. I wanted to look at you and see a person, not a monster. I thought I was doing something wrong. I thought it was all my fault. And to this day, Jason, to this day, I think about it, and in some ways, I still believe that it was my fault. And no matter how hard I try to get over it, and no matter how much I promise myself that I am strong, you are still in my head. The things you said to me. God those things you asked of me. I wont ever forget it. DO YOU KNOW THAT? I'ts always with me. AND YOU DON'T DESERVE THAT. You don't deserve to be a part of me. I cannot erase the memories that I have. I cant even look at a picture of myself. I want to scratch my own eyes out. I'm ashamed of myself, of everything that I should be proud of. 11 years, 11 years you've been with me. INSIDE MY HEAD. And I cannot get you out. I wont ever get you out, you know, Jason.

Do you know? I cant look at myself in the mirror. I have nothing to say positive about my body, my mind, or my qualities. AND NO ONE KNOWS. I keep your secret. I've kept your secret. But no more, I told 2 people. 2 people in this world know what you did to me. And they want you to die. Why do I protect you? Why do I let you get away with what you have done to me? Because if I speak, I'll be ridiculed. People will think I'm dirty. People will think I'm a slut. You've made me think that for so long. I've felt so guilty for so long. I've felt so guilty for you. For what you did to me. You have no guilt, you have your own life now. You do, you went on, but I can't. Do you realize?

After all you've done to me, I refused to let myself cry. To let myself feel the pain. Because that would make it real. That would mean that I surrender to you. But I know now that I did that a long time ago, by letting you wreak your havoc on my emotions. It isn't my fault, and it never was. You're a sick bastard. and I hope you die.

I wont ever be able to prosecute you for what you have done to me, I never will. Because of circumstances that I am trapped under. But I am strong, and you are a weak, pathetic excuse for a man.

So There,