It's been almost nine years since we last saw each other. It took several of those years for me to finally purge the last of the sentiment I held about our relationship from my psyche.. to look at those lingering thoughts with remote fondness rather than anxiety. I had taken the hard way to my resolution, but it was a resolution nonetheless. However, a few months ago, I met a woman who could have been your twin. The first time I saw her, my heart sank like a lead weight. Forgotten moments, buried pain, hopeless hope. It all came back. Apparently my resolution wasn't as complete as I thought.

I remember when you came back to me for the last time. I've replayed the moment a million times. I was brief. I was rude. But I was hurt. I mean, how many times did you think you could just go away with no explanation and expect me to welcome you back several months later? How long could I be ignored without finally deciding that it wasn't worth the effort? It was a matter of pride. I could no longer go on being there for you at your convenience. We were young, I know that. It was a pretty typical teenage girl thing for you to do, just like my agonizing over it was the typical teenage boy response. I have to admit, though.. I wish it had been different that day. I regret not even being nice. Maybe we could have been friends. Although I'm not sure I could ever think of you in such a platonic way. Any other girlfriend could have played that role. Not you. As much as I hate to admit it, you were special. And I know that you would be reluctant (but ultimately forced) to admit that I held a special place with you, too.

I hesitate to say that I wish things had worked out. I like my life. I have a wife who loves me, a child whom I adore, a great career. So I can't really say I'm sorry for what became. But it still bothers me that I don't know what happened to you after we walked away mad. Did you move to Miami as I had heard? Did you finish college and pursue psychology? Have you found love? What interests you these days?

I want to ask all these questions to your "twin", but she doesn't know. I see her in the course of my work from time to time. She just looks at me with your smile and reminds me of the only real unfinished business I have. Constantly. Writing this letter is really just another attempt to close that door. I have little hope that it will work, but what else do I do? Do I call a private investigator to track you down? That's more like stalking, isn't it? Talk to old friends to see if they know anything? Too pathetic. No.. I'll just write a letter to let off some steam and hope that seeing your alter ego frequently will desensitize me to your image and your memories. It's the best I can do right now.

I hope you're well. I hope you're happy. I hope one day we run into each other and catch up. The past would probably be silently glossed over in a matter of moments, but it would be enough for me. Take care.

Always,