I know it's childish but I still love the sound of that name... Our first meeting was rather insignificant. The second meeting, I'm not exactly sure what happened but it was electric. I fought how I felt for a year and a half. I rationalized that if I got to know you better we could just be friends. So we hung out.

All of the girls were in love with you. I'm not sure if it was your guitar, your singing, wit or charm but you treated all the ladies special. Yet you were unattainable. I still have a copy the song you wrote for Karen. I was nothing like her so I felt sure that I never would have a chance with you. So I did what any sane person would do, I shut you out of my life. But something kept eating at me and I was missing you.

You called me out of the blue to thank me for sharing a book with you. You called me a few more times that week and so I invited you over for dinner. I dreamed about you that night an incredible dream that ended with us not being together.

I stopped living in denial came back around and a couple months later I sent you flowers. What was I thinking? A lot had happened to lead me to believe that you felt the same way I did. But still I kept getting mixed signals. Then you invited me over to watch movies and hang out. Later that evening we had our first kiss. It was pure bliss. It was official, we declared that we were a couple.

I was the first girl you dated in four years *lucky me* and I had to deal with the ghost of your ex-wife. We were both sabotage artists when it came to relationships but I managed to get past all your defenses. I studied you and I knew just the right thing to say to get the reaction I wanted. But you still went hot and cold on me. It was such an emotional roller coaster. Like a fool, if you said it, I believed it. After a truly exasperating episode I told you I wanted to break up. And then you said "I love you". What? Talk about manipulation. We made up and it was pure heaven.

I was so obsessed with you. *You were my entire world.* I think everyone who knew me was sick of hearing about Tim. But the person I fell *in love* with was an illusion and now I had to deal with the *real* Tim and I didn't like what I saw. You always appeared so confident and you were really so scared. I thought you were deep but you were really quite shallow. I placed you on a pedestal and you came crashing down. I didn't love you any less, but I couldn't take the ride. So after two months of the heights and the depths, we broke up. It was mutual. You cried but I think you were just feeling sorry for yourself.

The next day you called me at work and wanted to laugh it off and still hang out as friends. Talk about painful. I told you I couldn't handle it and I needed some space. This was in June and so I decided not to come back around until August. My friends told me you were very depressed and even mean. I had my own demons to deal with so I stayed away. I wrote you a letter telling you that I could not come back and just hang out because it would be an ego boost for you thinking 'she digs me' as if I was part of your stupid harem of groupies. You met and started dating someone that August.

In January I did come back around. You broke up with her but you and I never really talked. Once you came up to me and shook my hand. I apologized for my hands being cold and laughing you said "Cold hands, cold heart." I responded, "You would know." Several months later we finally sat down and had a heart to heart. That night you got back together with her. I guess it confirmed that you wanted her. But you still wouldn't let it end.

Months later at a friend's wedding, you were singing and she was there with you. Somehow I left my purse under a chair during the reception and you and your girlfriend just happened to sit there. I was leaving so I had to go get it. As I'm picking it up, you take her hand and inform me that you will be getting married. I respond, "Oh". and leave. You sent me a wedding invitation.

So, fool that I am, I attend your wedding. During the reception I sat at a table with a bunch of friends and just to annoy me you came and sat down at our table. I ignored you and wished you would just go away. Finally you did. I flirted with the guys at the table, dying inside and finally it was time to leave. So adding insult to injury, you put your arm around me and escorted me out with your new wife looking on. And all I can think is "Why?" I know you love me in your own bizarre way, but is it necessary to torture me and why was I so stupid to take the abuse?

Every detail and every conversation will be etched in my memory forever. For years I don't think a day went by that I did not think about you... I hope I never see you again!