You left on November 16th and I thought my world had gone black. If only I had known how much darker it could get. You left to your mother's house in New Mexico, to return soon...or so I thought. How was I to know that I would never see you again? How was I to know you would leave me with a head full of words I would never speak? I spoke to you again on Thanksgiving Day, you made clear that you would be coming home to me soon, that you loved and missed me. I spoke to you a few days later and your words said the same thing. I never spoke to you again. You disappeared, literally. Your mother didn't know where you were; wouldn't say where you were. I waited patiently- faithfully. My love for you would not send me into the arms of anyone else. I waited longer. Christmas came, who wouldn't phone their love on Christmas? You. Took the initiative and called. Left number. Left instructions, "phone collect". You didn't. Called again a few days later, "Sorry Allie, we gave him the message," "thank you, please tell him I won't be phoning again." And I never did. Spent the successive 6 days locked in a dark room with my dark heart.

I was terrified that something had happened to you, Jeremy. Pictured you dead on a roadside somewhere, probably on your way home to me. Little did I know. Little birdies fly far and fly fast Jeremy. In March a little birdy perched on my window sill. "Did you know Jeremy is living in Florida with his ex-girlfriend?" No, no I certainly didn't know that. I know now. I know a lot of things now, Jeremy. I know that I was wrong about so many things; wrong about you and wrong about thinking I needed you. I thought I needed you to show me secrets. I thought I couldn't see beautiful without you. I can see beauty now, Jeremy. I am beautiful and I don't need you or anyone else to tell me that. You gave me a taste of the sublime and for that I am grateful. You also gave me a sudden, fierce recoil. I asked myself daily "can I survive this? will I survive this?" And I did. I am stronger now than ever in those months with you. Recently a strange turn of events brought it to my attention that you are now prowling the internet and attempting to seduce silly young women. How funny it is that you should have sent your picture to the woman that's already dating my ex-fiancee. Even funnier that the photo should have gotten back to me, and by it's title I can see that you got it from MY own web page. That's classy Jeremy, very classy.

This is it then. The last of the energy, despair, hope, tears, more tears and finally something very close to hate that I have for you is enclosed in this; these words. I can't hate you Jeremy, because that would require more energy than you are worth. I can't love you because that would require a fool. Goodbye Jeremy, may life bring you more happiness than you brought me.