You will never really know how much I care for you. I would not let myself admit my feelings to you; no, I couldn't stand to jeopardize our fragile friendship. However, I regret the fact that I never even got to tell you goodbye.

I kept thinking it over in my mind, whether or not to admit my feelings to you when I bid you farewell, and it never occurred to me that I would miss the party; miss the phone call because my sister forgot to hang up the phone, and miss my chance to see you one last time. I may never see you again. And you will never know that the reason I would always bring you coffee was just to get a chance to talk with you some more. I am more than just a lowfat coffee drink. I am more than those other girls who shallowly lusted over you because you were so "hot"(as they said. as for me, I care not for physical appearance). No, I loved you because you were an artist, and dedicated your your art. I saw a passion for life inside of you, and you were everything I wanted to be; old enough, free, in college, and one of those people everyone likes to be around because you just bring out the best in everyone and make them feel good about themselves. Or, at least, that's how you made me feel. When I was around you I felt special. I didn't care what happened to me; all I wanted was the best for you. I could take one look into your beautiful amber eyes and know that whatever happened, you would be worth it. I would be honored to give my life for you.

Sometimes I wish I had told these thoughts to you. But, then again, did I really want to risk losing our friendship? You deserve so much better, and yet, I can't help myself. I have fallen and I refuse to get up. In my ignorance and idealism I have left myself alone, empty, and full of regret. But I take full responsibility for my actions. My failure was my fault and no on else's.

Now that I reflect upon it, if I were to ever see you again I would tell you how I felt, just to free my mind from this torture. I don't want to make this same mistake again. I don't want to be left with the regret in knowing that I had a chance but was too scared to act. And I will miss you more than you will ever know.

Adieu.