Mum came home this afternoon, and told me. She told me what I'd asked her not long ago, I started to shake. She told me that you'd never be able to have children. It's just like the first time it happened, and Lucy told me that what you had, might be cancer. I told her that it was stupid, there was no way you could have had it, but you did, and now, it's happened again, I can't believe that it's true, the 5 years was nearly over. I was 12 back then, I didn't understand much, what it meant, but I do now, and I'm feeling for you, I never thought it would happen, I never realised, I feel so selfish. Here I am worrying about my problems, when they are nothing, I am selfish, I am seeing that now, but why did it take this to make me realize? Here I am living my life, and you're in that hospital again, just as your life was beginning to show a future.

I've always admired you, I don't think I've told you that, but I think you know. You've made me who I am, we've been through so much, so much of my life is you. A few weeks ago when we saw each other after a while, you told me how I looked good, although I tried to hide it, that meant a lot, I've looked up to you so much, you may only be 2 weeks and 2 days older than me, but you're my big sister.

When we first met, I've been told stories of how we didn't play together, , but as soon as we got to school we were friends, I'm glad for that.

We never were friends that hung around with each other, but we were always there for each other, and it's stayed like that ever since. We each had different groups of friends, but we stayed in contact. I love the way we can talk for hours, you're the only one that knows everything about me. Who my friends are, who they've been, my family, my feelings, I can tell you everything.

You said that when I gave you that poem from me to you, it was the best present you'd ever had, I cried. I cried when you gave me that photo of us two when we were little, I cry now for you, I want to make you better.

Why does it have to be you? You are one of the most wonderful people I know, and as I think of you laying in that hospital, I get this funny feeling inside me, I don't know what to do, I want to show you I care, want you to know how many people love you, how I admire you. So I'm going to give you a gift, a little book of memories, little silly stories, that I hold close to my heart.

I could write a million words, and never know quite how to say it but here I go.

We will always be friends, I may be taller now, but I will never be as amazing as you are. I love you.