I cried today. It's true, though I know how much you detest to believe me. I cried for you, for what we had, for what will never come. I hate to waste tears, but it seems to me that I have been doing a lot of that lately. Call me weak, or feeble, or any other word that comes to mind, but don't call my name. I won't be there. Not this time.

I sometimes wonder where all the fun turned to chaos. Where all the kisses turned to slaps. I find myself lying in bed at night trying to pinpoint the instant that our words somehow fell short of understanding and left us reeling into the land of strangers. I cant find a way out of this foreign country so I stay planted and accept the fact that we will forever be another face in the crowd to each other. That's okay. I can accept that. I have no choice.

I remember crying before. I don't do it often so it's always a surprise. I cried one night not too long ago, though in my mind it seems like it's been ages. I called you on the phone and emptied my heart before you. You were the first person I had met that didn't slap it back and make me choke on my words. I loved you for that.

I once believed that love came in boxes. I thought that I would never find one of those boxes. I thought that my Christmas would never come. One day I saw your smile. You stroked my arm and from your fingers sprung a purple box with silver star and moons sprinkled across it like dreams. I went to untie the velvety yellow lace that held the box shut. You snatched it out of my reach and said we mustn't, then you hid it from everyone's sight in your sock drawer and told me that we must keep it a secret. I backed away and didn't understand, but I knew you know best. Felicity always knows best. She always will, or so I thought.

We kept our box, our love, our knowing glances, our lovers sighs, a secret. We took the box out only when we knew no one was looking. We only would look at it for a little while and toss it from hand to hand. That's all. That is all we could handle. You never let me touch the box much. You were in charge of it, and because of that a childlike ambition grew inside of me. Someday, I swore to myself, I would handle the box all by myself.

I remember that night after the dance. After my Willits boys left we had our girlish conversations and invited a friend of yours over to watch a movie. When he came we all laid on each other on the couch and paid more attention to the touches that we received then the dialog in the film. Your fingers traced flames on my skin, while his cooled it off with icy sparks that glimmered in the night. Then we left in his car, the music loud and our breathing in melody and sync. That night I felt that we would be so close, but we ended up so far away. We woke up in each others arms and I remember how you told me that everything looked different in morning light.

You were right, you always are.

We went on from there, Our friendship strong, our relationship confused. I didn't know where we stood. I never did. I had to read it in your story that we were actually "together." I didn't know. You didn't tell me.

We had our hard times. You hurt me so much. I didn't cry though. As I said, I don't do it often. I wrote you a letter because I have always been a coward when it comes to emotions. I just cant face them, especially concerning you. I have a past that denied me that strength. I told you how you ripped my heart out and held it in front of my face. You told me that I had hurt you the night I called you on the phone. You spit my words back at me and they stung even more, like pepper in the eyes, and I didn't cry. You see, you turned out to be like all the others, it just took me longer to see it. I was blinded by the light of the silver stars on the box, but when you shut the drawer the light was blocked out and I could finally see.

We never yelled, we just didn't talk. People asked me why we weren't talking. People asked me if you were still my friend. I just shook my head and bit my tongue. You see, the day that you hurt me was the day I finally fulfilled my ambition. I snuck the box out of your drawer and tugged at the lace. I took the top off and our love escaped, flying on butterfly wings. I tried to shut the window but it escaped and flew into the sky, disappearing, like a balloon escaping from a child's hand. You were right Felicity. All your lies were truth. I loved you for that, but love fades, just like scars, and I have faith that in time these scars will fade like all the rest. You see Felicity, you were right about everything. Everything but one thing. I can go on without you. I am human, but this human has made it before.