4 months and 8 days, every day when I wake up (if I'm lucky to get any sleep) I add another stroke to the calendar always taking note of how long you've been gone... 4 months and 8 days.

I'm planning to go to the place where your car crashed soon Dani, if I can just get the motivation... its only two streets from my house but I travel the long way around so I don't have to pass it... I cant...

People have apparently been there placing sentimental stuff around the telegraph pole... people that hardly knew you. Scotty said there is a cross there with your name on it... religion wasn't your thing... I'd like to take it away but I don't know what I'd do with it.

There were so many people at your funeral... I sat with your sister... most of the people from school were there and a lot from university. You had an effect on everyone you met. I wanted to say something for you... but I just couldn't so I guess this will do.

I guess it is uncanny, you died on the eve of my birthday. My phone rang at 2am and I laughed to myself thinking it was you doing a repeat of the year before trying to be the first person to speak to me on my birthday. But it was Emma... she said that you and Ewan had been trying out the new V8 motor in your car and you'd lost control. It didn't register Daniel and I told her to come pick me up and we'd go the hospital and then she told me you were dead. Everyone still wished me a happy birthday... your mother gave me your present.

That all seemed like 5 seconds ago... so much has happened since. Everyone has started talking about you in past tense. The other day I walked into a room of girls who were talking about you and how you died... and the horrific state of your body when you died. Then they saw me and smiled... I felt so sick.

I miss you so much... next weekend is Scotty's birthday. We all were going to the coast for the weekend. They are all still going and want me to come to...I just don't feel like I can... not without you.

What I really need to say is that I love you and always will, my life will never be the same I know... We were together for 4 yrs and you had influence over my life and I am assured that will not cease. As my life goes on I will think of you in every decision I attempt to make and wonder what you would have thought or done.

I don't want to get over you yet, I don't want to glorify you in anyway as so many people have done... I just want to start feeling better. I want to be happy again.

Fare well

Love Forever,