It's not really you who has made me so mad. It's not really just the disappointment of the less than perfect end this has come to...The end, before the start. It's not as simple as it might seem...

Because you don't really know me. You don't know what I've been through, and you don't know that I was depending on you for a change - a change that I can't make myself. You don't know who you were supposed to be to me...and you don't know that I needed a good church going boy like you to restore my faith in men.

You don't know how desperately I needed to get out of this rut I've gotten myself into. You don't know how long I've been with the same guy, or just how bad he's treated me...And you don't know how you raised my hopes. You don't know how excited I was at the prospect of something new...of someone like you. Someone so decent, and someone so moral, and someone so nice, and someone who laughed at everything I said. Someone who stood with me through the last dance of the Ball - since we would have rather been there together.

You don't know how I looked at your perfectly groomed blonde hair, and your clear blue eyes, and I saw everything that I was supposed to be. How I saw everything I tried to be, but couldn't seem to quite measure up to...How I saw everything I had been looking for.

You're leaving and that's not your fault. You're going to New Hampshire and eventually to Boston - where I would have been if I measured up - and I'm glad for you, and none of this is your fault. But all I need is a kiss...something to say I wasn't crazy for ever believing that someone like you might have liked me...or thought about me.

I had to stop writing this letter for a minute...to stop myself from crying. And I wonder if you know I cry, or if you think I'm constantly on and happy...like I am when I'm with you. I'm gonna miss you - I already do. And for awhile there, I was elated...because of you and your surprises, and our long conversations, and the prospect that something might work out for me - just once. I guess, I should have known better.

Your Friend,