I'm not sure if you're going to understand or be able to accept all of this , I am torn, between two feelings for you, neither will resolve or dissipate . The two halves of my feelings, in constant combat, wrestling with morality and both failing to overcome the other.

How can I help feeling amorous, comfortable and at ease with you? You fit so well into everything I desire. You have a passion and an energy I can only emulate, and be jealous of. We shared so much without realizing it, without actually talking, until now.

If only it happened differently, if we had simply not become friends, my infatuation would have passed. I wouldn't have had the courage to act, but we became friends so fast, I didn't have time to work out exactly how that would fall into place in my life. Whenever my love for you surfaces, the friendship side cries out morals, "You can't think these things, you can't use friendship to advance your own, selfish, wishes." Yet, whenever my friendly feelings are on top, and we speak like pals of thirty years, I can't help but wonder what passions might be unlocked, in you, in me, if the Fates had allowed it.

As frustrating as it may be, I'm your friend first, and an admirer second. Everything I have said to you up until this point, has been strictly as a friend. How can I not, however, fall for someone who is sometimes lost, like me? Now, as a friend, an admirer and whatever else you need me to be, I have the courage to tell you these things. You are beautiful, you are special, your heart is pure and your thoughts are not selfish or terrible, they are you, and you aren't those things either.

I know we can never be together, even if we hadn't become so close I doubt I could have acted, but at least, through me and Nathan, you know you can find happiness. If we see it in you, others can and will. Don't let any event, whether it happened a year ago, a thousand years ago or yesterday taint your feelings. Never let anyone, or their deeds, stop you from feeling, or doing what you feel you need to.

Love is an odd thing, it can make your heart pump faster than you'd think it would be able to handle, and it can also make you wish it would just stop dead, taking you with it. Those scars may not heal, but they are reminders of what you once had. There is a difference between dwelling on and remembering a time in your life.

Remember, whatever it is I may be feeling for you, our friendship supercedes it all. Even without loving you outright, you have become the most important person in my life, and all it took, was for you to remain being you.

All my love and well wishes,