You always had a way with my heart. When we met, you took it in your hands and held it gently and took care of it and made it beat with desire. When we broke up, you took it in your hands again and threw it to the ground, smashing it into a million different pieces, while I ran around desperately to pick them back up.

I always said that you were the one who picked me up out of my long bout with depression. But funny, that you are also the one who threw me back down there.

Even though I should hate you, I still cannot stop loving you. I don't know what I love, though - whether it's the guy you used to be or just you.

Wherever I go and whatever I see reminds me of you. When I watch wrestling, I think about how you and I never missed an episode and always used to argue like little children about which guy was better. When I saw Good Will Hunting again, I thought about how you and I watched it together and how it brought tears to your eyes. I go to the store, and I see a CD that you would like. I watch romantic love stories, and images you and me pop into my mind. Hell, I even sleep and pictures of you and me appear. It's driving me crazy, that I just want to shut my ears and close my eyes and wait until the scary part is over.

For nine whole months I lifted myself up on the fact that we would probably be together forever. I wish someone would have broken my bubble sooner but bubbles of girls deeply in love are indestructible. The reason that it is so hard to let go of you is that I built myself up around the anticipation of us together for the longest time, and then when it was over, I had nothing else left because you were my whole life. I so gingerly built walls around you and myself and didn't let anyone or anything else in. When you kicked the walls down, you were kicking my whole life. I've still got the bruises.

You taught me about love, and you taught me how to live my life. You were the first and only guy I've cried in front of, probably more times than needed. You didn't mind if I wore makeup or not, and you didn't mind if all I would do all day in front of you is lounge around in my pajamas. You cried to me, and I trusted you. I believed that you were such an angel and rage and anger could never enter your eyes, that the hurt to me could never ever come from you. But you deceived me.

So I'm taking all of the things I've learned from you and starting a new life. Right now I would probably love to run back into your arms for comfort like you want me to, but I won't. Nine months was too long of a dream, and now it's time for me to wake up.

I want you to leave me alone. I feel the same way as you do - it would be wonderful to go back and get things the way they used to be between us, but that will never happen. We have both grown into two completely different people, right in front of each other's eyes. And it's sad, too, because I don't think we realized what a great thing each of us had until it was too late. At least not until the end.

But our time has passed and it's time for me to wave goodbye now. For as long as I live, I don't think I will ever forgive you for how you deceived me and shattered me towards the end. I will, though, always love you - the person you ONCE were to me - forever.