I don't remember a lot of our last conversation, but I just wanted to tell you that I really do love you. I'm so confused right now, but I do know that I love you and that I need you. I really need you. I just don't know what to do about it. Maybe I will work on answering a question you asked me - that is what I would tell people in the future about you and our relationship if things didn't work out.

I would probably start off by telling them that it was one of the most memorable experiences of my whole life, and you, one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. I would tell them about our early arguments about politics that drove me crazy, and the way you would treat me like your kid sister. I would tell them how you won my heart with your "everlasting charm" - or something like that. And then I would probably lose myself in my descriptions of our magical nights together - talking about anything and everything and not even realizing that we were falling in love with each other. I would recount some of our quarrels - the times we pushed each other to tears and to the edge of our sanities. And I would speak softly of the tender moments we shared in discovering each other's souls. Most of all, I would want them to know how sweet our love was and how much we learned from each other - you, regaining your faith in love and rediscovering its beauty. And me for the first time, learning what love is and how to give and trust. At this point I would get very tearful and feel my stomach tie up in knots - for if the time came that I would have to be telling that story, it would mean that something had gone wrong . . . that we weren't together. And I would wish I could find you again and make it right. Because I would know - just as I do now - that I love you and I want to be with you forever.

Telling that story in the future is not a thought I like to entertain and I think that's what you've been doing lately - entertaining crazy thoughts like that. I don't know if I'll ever get the chance to tell you but I just want to write about some of the things I plan to do and share with you in our future.

I want to walk with you in the rain and watch the raindrops slide down your face and neck when you aren't noticing. I want to watch a movie with you and fall asleep accidentally and then wake up in your arms. I want to talk about something difficult for you and know exactly what to say to let you know that I care and touch your hand or your face in just the right way. I want to teach you how to ride a horse. I want to go shopping with you and help you pick out something I think looks good on you and maybe even let you pick out something for me. I want you to make me cry and then realize you were insensitive and then apologize and kiss my tears away. I want you to do that hair-behind-the-ear thing to me. I want to say goodnight, but not be able to let each other go. I want to laugh together in such a way that we can't stop and we can't remember what we started laughing about. I want you to take me sailing. I want to eat Haagen Dazs Ice Cream with you. I want to give each other back rubs after rough days at school or work - or for no reason at all. I want you to show up at my house for no reason except that you love me and miss me. I want to make you dinner and I want you to pretend that you like it. I want to cover a whole wall with pictures of me and you together in different places all over the world. I want to tell each other stories all night. I want to miss you so much when we're apart that I go insane. I want you to miss me so much when we're apart that you go insane. I want to make love with you.