I don't know why I am writing this, because you and I have supposedly settled our "problem", and I know this is only going to upset me more.

But that doesn't stop me from writing... for some reason. Maybe it's because I love my brother more than I care about my own emotions... or maybe it's just that this HAS to be said.

For three years, he put his whole self into you. He loved you more than anyone could imagine. And he was only 15 when the two of you started dating. Most 15 year olds would rather be out partying and playing some stupid little mind games. Not Jon. Jon loved you, Jada, and he gave it all up for the sake of your relationship.

Do you remember the time when we were driving down the road, and you were angry with him? He stopped the car, put it in park, and insisted that it be worked out then, or he wouldn't continue? Yeah. I remember too.

Or maybe you can remember him saying "Jada, just imagine our little boy, with blonde hair and blue eyes, climbing into our bed on a Saturday morning." Yeah. Me too.

Perhaps you can recall Hilton Head Island, in the summer of 98. We had some of our greatest memories in that one single small trip. I can remember trying to straighten our hair as we played put put golf in one of the most humid environments on earth, and never expecting to win because we knew Jon was the champ. I can remember "tanning" for three hours and instead getting one of the worst burns in my whole life. Or does this not ring a bell?

Maybe you can come to terms with the fact that there will be no more memories like those, but I can't.

Sometimes, I think about the first few times I met you. If I had just distanced myself from the start, I probably wouldn't be feeling like this, now would I? If I hadn't allowed you to become one of my best friends, I'm sure I would be ok.

And now, I realize you and I were friends of fate. And although I thought we were friends of the heart, I now see that with Jon, I too flee from your life.

You have helped me through many situations. You've been there to talk with me, about my first love, you were there when I made my first step into heartbreak, with nothing but open ears and arms... and I, in return, would comfort you in your times of need.

So what do I do now? Do I simply nod when I see you in the hall? Do I ignore the fact that you are wearing his Varsity jacket? Do I ignore the fact that you are whispering into the ear of someone you obviously care a great deal for, and this someone isn't my brother? How do you react to something like that? How do you pass something like that by... as if it were a part of average life? How do you shake it off?

I just want to say bye. I want to tell you that you, in the three years I have known you, have become like an older sister to me. You were an open book in times of advice, and a listening ear in times of confusion. You were someone who I always looked up to and wanted to be like... simply because you took the life of my brother, and made it happen. You made him worthwhile, and let him know that he mattered. And in doing that, you touched each and every member of this family, in a way that you will never understand or realize.

I don't hate you, darling. I just hate the fact that you can't see how big of a mistake you are making. My brother brought up an interesting point last night. In order to hate, you must love. Otherwise, you would feel mere indifference, because the subject draws no emotion or passion from you. I can not bring myself to hate you, although it sometimes seems like the sensible thing to do. I can not hate you. Simply because... I love you too much.

I will miss you. I will miss you when the first feel of summer breezes my hair. I will miss you when the first scent of fall catches me in mid sentence... just to smell burning leaves. I will miss you while I dance outside, letting snowdrops fill my mouth in winter. I will miss you in Spring, when new life is at it's best, and all is starting over. You see, I will miss you always. Every second, of every minute, of every hour... of every day.

Forever.