I miss you. I miss your arms around me. I miss your mismatched sheets and comforter and the way you'd force me to play chess. And the way you'd make fun of the faces I make when I'm trying to be tough and how you'd sing Tori to me till I fell asleep. I miss your smell on my pillow case and your taste on my lips. Every place I drive by that we once were together, I miss you- and I hate myself for missing you. You are the one thing I want to erase from my life- you are my one regret, my vice. I'm transferring college in a few months and I will go away from here and meet all new people. I will flirt and I will date and I will compare every guy to you. I will read poems about love and hear songs on the radio and every word will remind me of you. I will try to forget you and I will cry at night because you stay with me like myself.

I wish there was some way I could explain how I feel in terms even you would understand- how blurred the line between love and hate has become. I can't see the line anymore, Michael. It's disappeared. I hate that I love you and I love you anyway. I want to hurt you like you've hurt me but you can't be hurt and I wouldn't know how.

You once told me that thoughts of me were followed by a sweet smelling breeze. Well, I wish you wouldn't think of me then. Why should you enjoy a sweet smelling breeze at my expense? You said I was your angel and yet you gave me up. I can't fathom why you would- with all the verbal offerings you laid at my feet you should've never let me go. So I have to think that maybe you were lying and you didn't mean a single word. I can always tell when you're lying though, so maybe you're just stupid. But it's not that easy Mike. I know you're not stupid, so there's just one last option. You're self destructive.

You know I'm good for you. I make you feel and so you push me away. I gave you everything and you took it all, just to throw it back in my face. I want you to remember me as someone who cared for you and wanted to be there. I am someone who loved you, and I also want you to remember that you, Mike, and only you, ruined that. Again.

You may not think that what you did was wrong, but it hurt me. I wish I could say that this is it- that I have no more- that I have nothing left to give to you. But I do. You hold a place inside me and I know I will let you hurt me over and over again because that's what I do. And that's what you do. I love you.