It really wasn't that long ago that you told me that you didn't want to see me ever again. It wasn't that long ago that you told me that you were happier without me. Over 2100 miles separated us, so cutting me out of your life was not a hard thing for you to do. I admit, the news was hard for me to take. You had been a great friend. I often wondered what I had done to push you so far, if I could have done something differently to keep you as my friend. The deterioration of our friendship shook me up really hard, but I tried not to let it show for the most part. All I really wanted was for you to be happy.

So when I suddenly found myself in your city a few weeks ago, I was determined to let you have your peace. I respected you so much that I didn't want to intrude on you. You wanted your distance, and I was going to grant it. Severing yourself from me had hurt, but not enough that I was willing to turn malicious. And staying away from you was fine...until things fell apart.

While I was out there, I visited a friend. I'd known him longer than I'd known you, but I wasn't nearly as close to him. He was just a fun guy to talk to. I stopped by for a bit so we could spend some time together. But throughout the course of the day, somehow I ended up in the wrong place at the wrong time. I hardly remember how it all started. One minute things were fine, the next he was practically on top of me, trying to get his hands under my clothing. He started to grope and kiss me. My voice was like a broken record as I kept telling him "no," trying to push him away, but he wouldn't listen. I couldn't muster the strength to fight back. I could only cry. I guess it was my fear. When he tried to pull my shirt over my head, a burst of adrenaline reached the inner core of my soul. I managed to sit up and yell at him at the top of my lungs. I think I startled him, but it was all the hesitation I needed to escape. My clothing was all askew as I ran out, choked by my own tears. The last thing I heard him say was that it was my fault and that I had led him on.

I wanted to run home and cry. But here I was, 2100 miles away from home. I was alone in a strange land, surrounded by strange people. I could hardly walk through the rainy streets because I was shaking so badly. I felt violated and alone. My mind went right to you. You were near. You could help me. You would make me feel safe.

I managed to get to the subway. I huddled in the corner of the subway car the entire trip. My eyes were red. I still couldn't stop trembling. I was oblivious to everything and everyone.

I had never been to your house before. You had never told me the address-- never described its appearance to me. And yet somehow I knew where to go...I knew what I would see. I found it with ease. My eyes drank it in, from the firm brick walls to the strong wooden door. The whole place whispered "sanctuary" to me. I tilted my head up toward the gray sky and locked my eyes on the windows of the top floor. You were there. 2100 miles gone--mere walls separated us now.

I opened the door and walked inside the entranceway. My hand touched the nearby phone to call up to you and let you know that I was there. But I couldn't lift the receiver.

You had told me that you were happier without me in your life. You had finished it. Moved on. I couldn't reopen your wound. I couldn't show up unannounced, in this situation that I was in. It was all wrong.

I hesitated a bit longer. I was fighting back the tears again. A guy came in and asked if he could help me find someone. I shook my head and thanked him, then left the building.

It had taken all my energy to get out there--I didn't feel like I could leave yet. I sat on some steps across the street to regain my composure.

I was still there when you came out of the building. My breath was taken away instantly. I hadn't seen you for over six months and now you were thirty feet away. I could call out to you. I could make a motion so that you would notice me. But I didn't. I just watched you. I just simply watched you as you walked away. I don't think you ever glanced my way. If you did see me, you didn't recognize me. Besides, would you even consider that it could possibly be me sitting there on those steps?

Watching you walk away was like watching you walk out of my life. I remembered how I'd promised to stay away from you. I could do it. Life would go on--I could be brave. I could get through this without you. After seeing you this one last time, I finally felt ready to let you go.

You disappeared from my view. I stood up and began to walk the other way.

You always told me that closure was sweet.

You were right.

Love,