I am so fucking disappointed in you. I feel real pain everytime I think about what a great friend you've been and how cool things were. How could you let this happen?

You were such a stand-up guy. Clean cut, professional, so full of life. We were just two kids in college back then. But we seemed to hit it off pretty quick. It started with both of us having a love of movies and music. We could rattle off whole scenes of our favorite flicks verbatim. People thought we were so funny. After that, we moved on to hanging out a good deal more. Shooting pool, going to concerts, short road trips... never a dull moment. It didn't matter that I was married and you didn't even have a steady girlfriend. We could find things to do for all three of us, or just me and you. All the inside jokes, all the silent communication. It was a great time.

I was concerned when we moved 100 miles away that we wouldn't stay in touch. My doubts quickly subsided when you actually helped us move (12 floors up, at 2:00AM no less!) We still talked a couple times a week, and visited each other a couple times a month. It was really cool when you came to work with me for a week or so. It was as though nothing had changed. And when my son was born, you were the first one there and the last one to leave. You have no idea how much that meant to us. It is a shining beacon in my memory.

But, as luck would have it, we moved even farther away the next year. We spoke less then, and it was understandable. But, of all the people I knew back then, you are the only one to come down and visit. Three times, even! Those week-long vacations were like small time capsules, reminding me of those days back in college. A lot had changed since then, but it appeared that our friendship would always remain. You knew I didn't approve of the habit you had recently acquired, but I kept my mouth shut. I saw small changes, but just attributed them to growing up. And, after much badgering and prodding, I was even able to convince you to move, too! We'd be back in the same town again! Look out world!

So, here you are. How many times have we gotten together since you moved down? That was over a year ago, and what has it been? Six, seven times? And then only for a few minutes. When I asked you, you'd tell me how busy you were. Do you think I'm an idiot? You're a fucking drug addict, Mark. Ever since you started taking drugs, you've become reclusive and shallow... hanging out with your equally burned-out friends. THAT'S why we haven't gotten together. I still haven't determined if you just think we have nothing in common anymore or if you'd simply rather be getting high than anything else. My suspicion is that you've gotten into harder drugs at this point.. the last time I saw you looked bone-thin, wearing long sleeves in 90 degree weather. It would be painful enough to lose a friend like you to neglect.. just gradually losing track of each other over time. It's fucking excruciating to watch you willingly turn yourself into a bleary-eyed, uninspired slacker. And if you're still using that bullshit about "it helps me think," you should be smacked in the head. You should be anyway, just on principle.

The point of all the history is to maybe give you a brief reminder that you used to be a whole person; one with real interests and real aspirations and a functioning liver. You had a lot of natural energy and were always the life of the party. Now, all that shit you smoke is the life of the party and you are a phantom of your former self. Your dramatic personality changes are not the product of maturation or a function of time. They are the result of your addiction. As one of the best friends I've ever had, it's very hard to let you go. But its not even you anymore, is it? If you ever kick this and are actually clean again, please give me a call. Until then, though, as you have for so many months.. do not contact me.

Quite Sincerely,