I know you you'll never see this, I m probably wasting my time. Still, I have this immutable urge to tell you, to try to explain to you what I want to know. This is my only hope to quench this thirst I have for the knowledge I desperately desire. I crave everyday to comprehend what went through your mind.........and now, my chance.

What I seek is understanding. Understand why you just couldn't say you loved me. I have learned now that this love of yours for me has spawned a two year period! And never did I receive so much as a hint!

You would've saved me for so much heartbreak if you would've voiced your devotion. Don't you see? He and I would've never fallen in love, never have fallen out of innocence, never had felt another wound of love inflicted by the other. I would've been saved a broken heart.

Chris, don't you understand this? I had such an immense crush on you since the sixth grade when you walked into one of my classes! I know it probably sounds hypocritical of me to say this, but you were going out with a friend at that time. What could I say? Afterwards, I was......let's say lost. I'd heard how much you had hurt my friend, but I still thought I saw good in you. I was stuck between Sylla and Charybdis. Finally, I just let go. Then comes the next year.

We became friends, maybe you can even call us best friends. But then came him. I said yes. The rest, I guess, is called history. And I d prefer not to dwell in _that_ past.

After him, though, after him is when my questions will really begin. He dumped me pretty hard, you know. You know the pain he inflicted; it was why I really first called you. I wanted to hear you talk to me. I needed you then. But still, you remained as silent as stone. I had reasons to believe you liked me, as I had reasons to believed I liked you. I tried to pry it out, but you stuck fast. However, your steadfastness is somewhat admirable. So I tried a more direct approach. I did something I would, under normal circumstances, I would never do; I told you how I felt about you. And still your secret remained.

How could I have made it any clearer for you? How else could I have told you I wanted you that would have given you a response? HOW? Is it because you were afraid of me a little? Because I wasn't quite like most other girls you had met? Did you think I would reject your love? Chris, at that time I would have welcomed you with open arms and a sincere kiss! You were exactly what I needed to get me out my hole of self-pity! How I longed for you to say those three simple words back to me; I love you! Oh, Chris, you might have caused more pain for me then ANY he could have given.

How could you not have spoken? Please, I need, deserve, an answer!

And those others that you liked? What did they mean to you? Why did you choose them after I had been deserted by him? I needed you then, Chris, and so badly. They used you and treated you like I would, will never do. Why couldn't you see that I was what you needed and you were what I needed as well?

Now, don't take anything in this too harshly or too badly. You have filled and overflowed that void in my life that he chiseled out. For this, you have all my love, all my fidelity, and all of myself. Please, use me wisely. I don t know what would happen to me should you turn out like him.

After rereading this letter, I see now why and what I wrote. I need you, Chris. Maybe I don t tell you enough. Maybe I just don'tt think you understand what I went through. Maybe you don t understand how devout I am to you. Maybe all.

Love Forever,