I've tried so many times to think of the right words to say. I guess right now it doesn't matter, I've just got to let some things out.

I know your never going to read this, your never going to do a lot of things, but maybe you'll change and prove me wrong.

You know because of you some things in my life have been horrible. When I was younger I just thought I wasn't good enough to be with you, but now as the days and years pass without hearing from you I feel hate towards you. I wanted you to be a man, but more then that, my father.

I'm sick of feeling not good enough, because believe it or not I'm too good for you. That doesn't mean you can't change, I can't change you, you have to do that on your own.

Believe it or not most of our lives are spent alone, this is just another part.

There were so many times when I saw something to do with you and even now as my brother is getting older, he looks a lot like you. I think you've got a lot of things to work out, I've got a lot of problems too and one of them is you.

Grow up and become someone that you are very capable of. Do something that you can say your happy about. Learn to love yourself and maybe then you'll be able to love others.

Right now I have mixed feelings about what I want from you. The one things I know is I can't talk to you, or stand to see you. My mother I think has given you way too many chances. So have I. I don't want to see you, but my mother is making me. The last time I saw you I cried so much because I didn't want to see you. Most of all on my birthday. What a horrible day. I acted happy and friendly, but I hated it, the whole time I had to spend with you. You coming back and acting like time hadn't passed, you still thinking I was your little girl. I'm NOT YOUR little girl. I was NEVER YOUR little girl. NEVER.

I feel horrible , but I've got many friends that are there for ME when I NEED them. I love you all. Thanks so much.

I don't know what is going to happen in the future. I don't know whether I want to accept and move on from all the pain. I'm trying really trying. One day I'll be okay with who I am and what I have become. I wish/hope you will be able to say the same.

Have a good life daddy. I wish you were here, things might have been different.