I miss you. Or should I say the REAL you. It feels like you've been gone forever, but I guess it's really only been about a year and a half. Part of me tries to convince myself you've just died and there's someone else living in your house with Grandpa, but then reality hits and I realize it's much worse than that.

I miss the weekends when I would come over with Kristen and Jerica and we'd get out your video camera and make horribly corny little plays; dragging the kids in that one box you had. You'd yell at us for running, but would just laugh after we showed you what we recorded. That's my Grandma I know and love and I want her back.

The thing that upsets me most is I never would have pictured this happening in a million years, but they say it can happen to anybody; I guess I just thought you were stronger than that. This whole thing has been so difficult for everybody who loves you and I don't think you realize it. Especially my Mother, it breaks my heart to see what has happened to her; she not only lost her Mother, she lost her best friend and her sister. You two were like sisters, but do you even remember that? And Doe...I see it in her eyes how much pain this causes her to see you like this. It's not fair.

I miss the times I would call you and ask your opinion on a dream, and we'd get to talking for hours. I even told you about Roo. And I don't tell anybody about Roo. I just want all that back. I want you to be there at my 16th birthday teasing me about getting I.D. every time I pull out of the driveway, I want you to come to my wedding and joke about who the groom actually ends up being. I just want you to get better and I know you can?t do it by yourself, nobody can.

A few weeks ago when I had gotten home from the hospital you actually called me. Which blew my mind. I was on heavy doses of medication, but I remember telling you repeatedly that I was worried about you, and you reassured me you were fine and to just get myself better. Then I called you a few days later and you acted like everything was fine; which just makes things worse. I don?t know what to do, I feel horrible when I don't call you but when I do and you try to pretend you're fine, it just upsets me even more. All I want is for you to come to terms you can't kick this by yourself, you need to get professional help. And I don't think I want to talk to you again. Until you do because it hurts too much.

Love,