I suppose everyone has lost a best friend for some silly reason or another. They messed up, got into a relationship. I really thought we'd be friends for a long time. I remember taking your picture in front of Mr. Burns blackboard during your 13th birthday, you had 3 hats on, on being the hat I'd given you as a gift. It was on the top. That made me feel special. I remember when we went to camp together, singing all those stupid songs, and getting up early in the morning with Nate and brushing our teeth in the ladies room -- just to say we'd been in there!

I think we got along so well because you were a small kid, and I was a big kid. Both of us kind of outcasts to the rest of the world, or at least the 6th grade. I never knew why you were so small, but you were always taking medicines and stuff, I assumed that they were trying to make you bigger. Or at least help you out, I mean, I never knew anyone else who could almost get hypothermia in a swimming pool.

We were really good friends, that's why I was so saddened to hear that you were moving to California. That's a long ways away from Ohio. I was angry with you, and your father for taking that position at the college. Why did MY best friend have to move away. It just wasn't fair. I felt cheated. That summer I spent hanging out with new people, people who I knew would never hold that same connection as we did. You were the only friend I ever had who didn't mind it when I'd call everyday.

I thought we'd still talk some, but when you're 13 years old, long distance phone calls seem like something you'll never have. So the day you left was the last time we spoke. The summer moved on, and about Mid-August we had open house for 8th grade. I ran into Mark Adkins, I'm sure you remember him. Well, he said "Did you hear about Eric?". Half-jokingly I replied "No, what? Did he die?"

Nothing could have prepared me for what he said next.

"Yes."

(Cue the world spinning)

"WHAT?!"
Apparently all that medicine you were taking was for your heart. And you also failed to mention to me that you had a heart disease! Why?? Why did you never tell me that? Now you're gone, and I can't say a thing to you about it. You were having a fucking heart transplant and you never called me to say "Hey man, this is serious." Why????????

So, here it is.. almost 6 years later. I'm still wondering why. I've been trying to fill this void you left in my heart, best friend. With songs, and lovers, and friends. But none seem to help. They've named the courtyard at our junior high after you. I'm sure there are 100's of kids each day who pass by and are just thinking "Eh, who the hell Eric Goltz." I wanted to visit the courtyard, but I could never do it. It's almost like I do not want to actually accept that you're gone. But you are...

And there's really nothing left to do.

With Love,