I can't take it anymore.

I think back to the days of supposed childhood bliss and there was none. Where were my rose colored glasses every child is supposed to have placed on their face? Why don't I remember playing peacefully on the front lawn, running free through the woods adjacent to our house, laughing, smiling, living?

What do I remember you ask. I remember being told how useless I was. How I would never be as smart as you or as pretty as you, as thin. I remember being called a poison bitch. I remember your alcohol soaked breath on my face as you spat out words of hate. I remember being dragged down the hall by my hair. I remember you throwing me on the floor and beating me until I screamed for your mercy. I remember you ripping a shelf off the wall with the strength only a mix of pure hatred and adrenaline can produce and then taking that very same shelf and hitting me with it until it broke. Then you slammed it through the top of my dresser.

You were so good at hiding it. The dresser you broke was moved out to the garage, a new shelf was placed on the wall and all was well. You smiled at the right people. You told all the right lies. You laughed and pretended to live the perfect life.

And now, nearly ten years later, you've long since left our family I'm 22 and living on my own. Happy even. But, you're still basicly the same. Oh, you'd never speak to me the way you used to or dare to hit me now that I'm the same size is you.

So, you ask, what can't I take anymore? Simply put Mom, I can't take you. Not the way you are now anyway. So, you're a happy drunk now. (So you say.) Then why is it, that you still feel the need to call me every few days and cry about how awful life is to you? About how everyone is out to get you? About how life has been so unfair to you? You pretty much ruined it yourself and it's time you owned up to that.

I shouldn't have to be the parent. Grow up. Stop drinking. Get some help. Get a hold of your life. And please, quit trying to make me feel guilty for the mistakes you've made. You're the only one who can fix them.

K