7 November, 1998
  Dear Chad,
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I am worried about you, but you know that already, don't you. You have fallen so far out of reality that I am afraid you will never find your way back.

I don't know what else I can do but sit back and watch you destroy whatever is left of yourself. Just when I think you are starting to straighten out, you take another turn for the worse.

I can't believe it has come to this. In many ways, I feel like I hold part of the blame. You are my best friend, but now, I hardly know you. I watched, even participated in your decline for so long. But now, you are a stranger to me, to your family. Do you even recognize yourself?

I can't talk to you anymore. You hardly make sense. When you are coherent enough to make conversation, there is a vagueness in your voice like you may as well be talking to a wall. You have no emotion anymore, no feelings, nothing. Where are YOU??

I am really afraid that you are not going to live much longer. You always did say you felt like you were going to die young. It never seemed so real as it does now. You are fading away. Your spirit has flown. You are just a shell, a vacant, empty space that will no longer relate to life or the living.

I feel so utterly helpless. I still go places where we would once go together. But I can't go there with you anymore. When I'm with you, I feel like a babysitter rather than a friend. I have done, said, tried everything I could think of. Your parents have tried, the police have even tried. You must know how bad it is, why can't you just take the next step??? You know you need help. You know there are people here to help you. The ball is in your court...

Nothing can change how I feel about you. Whether or not the friend I once knew returns, I will always love you. Even though I cannot share with you the great times we once had, I will always think of you as my best friend. I just don't want the next time I see to be at your funeral.

Love Always,

Kathy

So There