It has been almost 8 years since we met. Things have changed so much in that time. We have a child together that will soon be 5 years old. Not that you will even be around to watch her eyes light up when she blows out the candles on her cake or to hear her squeal with delite when she opens her presents. You have seen her twice in the last year. I hear her cry for you almost every night and have to figure out an answer to her questions of where you are and why you don't come see her or call her. How am I supposed to answer that? I try and answer her questions the best that I can but it is so hard when I don't have the answers. I try and explain to her that you can't come see her all the time because you have other things in your life that you need to do.

She tells people that her daddy doesn't love her and as much as I try to tell her that you do, she still doesn't understand. She sees her friends play with their dads and wants so badly to have that in her life, too. She is starved for a father figure and as much as my brothers try to be a part of her life, that isn't enough. She needs a dad to hold her when she doesn't feel good and to tell her every day that he loves her. She needs a daddy to help her learn to ride her bike without training wheels. She needs a daddy to teach her "the dad stuff" that I can not do. She needs to know that it is not her fault that her daddy doesn't want to be around her. I recently moved and didn't have a chance to even let you know that we were moving because you didn't even call me. The only time you ever call me is at 3 in the morning and ask me "what are you doing?" What the hell do you think I'm doing at 3 in the morning??? I am asleep at that time because I have to work in the morning. I have a real job that requires me to be at least coherent and there at a certain time. I have to do something to support MY child because you obviously don't care!

I know you will never see this but it helps me to be able to get it out of my system. Hopefully you will someday grow up and take responsibility for all of the children that you helped bring into this world. I know that is asking alot of you because you don't even know what the word responsible means! Maybe someday something will happen in your life to make you realize everything that you have missed, but I seriously doubt that will ever happen.

I hope you have a good life and maybe someday you will grow up!