Well, I heard.
You're engaged. You're getting married. to her.
I know I shouldn't care, but how the hell am I supposed to react? Of course I care. I was in love with you, for god's sakes. You were my first love.
I of course heard it from Claire. She said you wanted to tell me yourself, but you could never get a hold of me. Did you even really try? If you really cared, if you really considered me a friend, you would have wanted to tell me, in any way, as soon as you could. because it was good news, and good friends share good news. But instead you were afraid. Too scared to tell me what was going on in
your life. Too scared to share.
I guess that's what hurts the most. That somehow your head blew up into blimp-sized proportions. You assume
that I want you back. You assume that I am still in love with you. You assume that I am hurt every time you mention Laura's name-and that's why you say you never call, that's why you don't talk to me, that's why you could throw away the "most important friendship of your life." What hurts me is that you just don't feel the desire or need to talk to me anymore. That you assume anything at all. That hurts.
And to think that at one point in my life I thought I could marry you. I almost applied to and considered jobs in fucking Florida to be with you. I was ready and willing to drop everything and do anything to keep you in my life. I thought I couldn't live with out you. I thought you couldn't live without me, I really did.
Silly me.
How quickly you forget. How in three months you can just fall in love and commit to this woman and her 8-year-old son as if you never knew me at all. How you can throw away your career, every hope, every dream you once had, to play Mr. Mom. Of course, she pays your bills. she cooks dinner for you, your favorite dish, with fresh apple pie for dessert. She looks into your eyes, you say, with a look that just tells you how much she loves you. She's probably
great in bed.
I never did that for you.
I never had the chance.
Maybe I sound like a child. Whining. Bitter. Ranting and raving about this man I am supposedly over, about this man I say I no longer lIve (and I don't), about my ex-fucking-boyfriend. Perhaps I am. But understand that I am a little baffled as to what the hell just hit me.
For the man I once loved has become a complete stranger.
in one cold sweep, I have lost my first love, my best friend and every beautiful and sweet memory I once possessed.
So forgive me if I feel more like mourning than celebrating.
It's not like you care, anyway
Christine
