Two years of friendship. Two years of me being the silent bystander in your world of parties and thousands of friends. Two years of happiness that inevitably ended in bitter disappointment.

We met in grade eight, both new kids. I remembered you from an old school a couple years back, not that we were friends then. You were new, and I already had a tight clique of friends. But this was different, no standing friendships, no walls that separated old from new, just this blank sheet of time that could be filled in however we wanted. At first you were the one who kept our friendship strong, calling me every night, sometimes twice a night. It changed, slowly but surely, heading towards me hanging onto you even though it was obvious things were dying. You'd 'forget' to call, always, and without fail I'd call you, waiting for you to apologize. And you never did. You had those older friends, I'd wait by you, like some stupid dog, while you chattered away with them. And I wont't hide the fact that when Nikki was kicked out of school, I felt a delicious (and nasty) pleasure that now you would be my friend alone.

But no, you charmed the others. And I was starting to see something. I was seeing a girl who needed a lot of loose friends, not just one close one. God Chloé, we were two Aquarians but we had two different ideas about friendship.

I should hate you for making me feel like I was useless. But I don't, not as a whole. At times I do, but not altogether. I still think about how we teased each other about Chris and how we loved "Disarm" and "1979" by the Smashing Pumpkins. I remember having all our inside jokes and laughing till we were gasping. Could we have kept a strong friendship? Probably not. You don't strike me as the kind of girl who would love Titanic or listen to Tori Amos. You had your separate life and so did I. Maybe it would've ended badly eventually, once we realized we were too different to keep anything together.

I miss you yet. Strange. And I know that even if we were to meet up again, nothing would come of it. Because that was tested, last November, when you came by unexpectedly, when we promised to call each other again, when nothing happened because we both knew it was useless.

As Always,