I'm sitting here tonight after another one of my little crying "spells". I'm not sure why they happen, but every once in a while I think of you, and the tears flow. How long has it been? How long ago did I look at you, at your shining smile, and think of our future together?

Almost two years now.

But when did I actually lose you? At what point through it all did I stop being the one that made you happy? I'd like to think that I was that person right up to the moment He arrived. I'd hate to think that you had stayed with me, held me, made love with me, thinking to yourself "I don't want this anymore." Yet, a part of me refuses to believe that you ever felt that way. After all, you did keep coming back. We would be together, and you would find that you wanted "more" and you would leave. Then you would realize that I had what you wanted, and you would return. And I would take you back.

I thought I was proving my love for you by being there when you needed me. Accepting you back into my arms, and my life, when the others didn't work out. I realize now I was proving my naiveté by letting you use me. You knew that no matter what happened with your "man of the month," that I would be there to catch you when it got too much. That I would love you no matter what you did. And I did love you.....no matter what. But love wasn't enough, was it? Every time you left, it was for the same reason; you were "missing something". Did you really think that you would find it in the arms of those others? When you returned to me, did you really think that I would have somehow magically obtained this mysterious thing that you were missing? Do you yet realize that what you are missing is inside of you? Who knows, maybe you'll find it someday. Maybe you've found it in Him. Somehow, I doubt it.

I want you to know something. When it ends, when you become ex-wife number three, I wont be there to catch you. I wont be there to help you pick up the pieces. I won't be there to wipe away your tears.

It seems so ironic that the things that hurt us the most are the things that tend to do us the most good. I learned a lot from you. I learned that love is not enough. I learned that you cannot live your life for another. You must live for yourself. I only hope that you learn that too someday.

Yours,