I've said this before, but now I'll say it again and mean it for sure; this is my last letter to you. This is my last letter full of pain and anger that will ever be addressed to you. You have ceased to exist in my emotional universe- and I prefer it that way.

In July I wrote a letter to you and posted it here. It was full of tears, hurt, and the things I never actually said to you. Somehow, over the past few months I've healed. It's funny how these things happen- when I wanted so badly to be over you, when my heart hurt so badly because I wanted to forget about you, I couldn't. Then, when I was beyond caring anymore, when I thought that the pain couldn't go any further so it didn't matter anymore whether or not I forgot you... I did. And I still don't quite understand it.

You never did read that letter. I lost the courage to give it to you, but now I'm extremely grateful for that. It would have made things worse, not better. But I wasn't thinking about the consequences.... I just couldn't make myself hand it to you.

I know that my friends probably had the deepest impact on my healing- they read the letter, they comforted me... they had never done that before simply because they didn't know. I had kept it all inside, not knowing that all I was doing was hurting myself. And I had the help of a very special friend, one I only know through email, one I've since stopped talking to. I'm ashamed of that- I used him as a crutch to get through a hard time in my life, and one day I just... stopped talking to him. It was nothing against him, I just didn't need him anymore... I was strong enough on my own. He's probably reading this, and to him, I say sorry and a big, big thank you. You helped me more than you know.

But back to you, Matt. I don't think about you constantly anymore. In fact, I only do so if I happen to see you in the hallways. But the sight of you doesn't make me want to cry, not anymore. I've grown up. I'll be ok now- I know that I can survive, no matter what. You've given me strength by making me live with a weakness. Thank you. I am a better person now. I know what I want in a relationship- and I think I'm finding it. With someone much more special. Maybe.

Sincerely,

The girl who used to love you.