We have grown up together these last 20 some years and like you said, we've only been into 2 big fights. "One per decade." I feel that this is going to be a start of a difficult new decade and millennium. I don't know how to explain why I feel the way I do, but I will attempt to paint a picture of how I am feeling.

I do share some secrets with my roommate, but not all. With you, I can share all except it's difficult to open up this time.

I have great friends and I feel that my roommate wants to be in my shoes. She already hangs out with one of my good friends, and now you. I don't want her part of my private circle. I would like to have my own space without her intruding. Why can't she just get her own life? Maybe I'm being selfish, maybe even childish, but I know what I'm feeling and it hurts.

I think about how close you have gotten and how you two believe that this "love," "lust," lesbian relationship is going to work out. She was straight a month ago, so I thought. I don't think it's so much the sexual relationship that has come about, I think it's more of the fact that I'm feeling like an outcast. You never came to San Jose just to see me, but now you're coming down on weekends and weekdays to see your her. What the hell is so special about her. I would never have set her up with any of my guy friends knowing how she is so self-centered, vein, and insensitive to others emotions. "Me, Me, Me" are the words she seems to live by.

I think if anything is going to test my friendship with you or her it's going to be this. I don't want to look at her, talk to her, or even be in the same house with her. I'm not comfortable in my own home. I love you, you have been my soul sister forever. I feel that I can't open up and tell you how I feel knowing that one day you may tell your lover what I really feel, how I really see her, and where she really stands. But then again, it's the truth, and sometimes the truth hurts. So what.

I hurt so bad that I have started to cry thinking about it while driving in my car. I just want time alone to get my thoughts and emotions together. I need you and her to leave me alone for a while. How long? I don't know, until I'm ready. Until then, please respect my feelings.

Just Me