You had a huge impact on my life, and I never got the chance to tell you just the ways you changed me. When I met you, I had negative self esteem. I thought that I was uglier than a troll and that no one would ever be capable of loving me. You asked me to dance, and we just kept dancing for two and a half years. You spun me so fast that I never realized who I was looking at. Every time I slowed down enough to catch a glimpse of the real you, you spun me faster in another direction until I was dizzy enough to go along with what you told me yet again.

When I met you, I was a virgin, and I was so proud of that. When we broke up, I could no longer boast that fact. You would call me every night and question me for hours on my morals and values until I doubted everything that I had once believed in so strongly. You murdered my ability to say no. Spinning.

When I met you, I was a trusting, open-hearted child. When we broke up, I was a cynical, broken young woman. I cannot count the lies that you told me. You even went so far as to lie about your middle name. What did you think you would gain from that? When I found the truth, you blamed me for you lies. You said that I was too demanding and that my expectations were too high, so I lost my expectations for love. Faster.

When I met you, my parents were still capable of trusting me. When we broke up, they had lost that faith. I love my parents. They are good, caring, compassionate people without whom I would not have made it this far in life. How dare you break that bond? You lied to them, and when they tried to show you for the hypocritical, manipulative, little man that you were, you convinced me that they were trying to deprive me of happiness. How dare I let you do that? They were my foundation, and you drove a crack into it. And faster.

When I met you, you spoke of love and told me that no one would be ever love me as much as you did. When we broke up, I lost all hope of ever being loved again. At least when we were together, I knew what my future would be, no matter how depressing. I faced an emptiness, thinking that the only person that would ever love me was a liar who had ripped apart everything that I had. Until I fell.

All that I can forgive. I can forgive the broken promises, the unbelievable phone bills, the forgotten dates, the tearful nights, the undeserved guilt. All these I can forgive, because it was over. We were through. I stood up for the first time without being dizzy and was able to look around.

What I will not forgive is what happened after that. I had finally moved on with my life, Patrick. I was happy, damn you! I will not forgive you for coming back into my life, uninvited. I will not forgive you for the alligator tears you shed as you got on your knees to beg for me to get back together with you. I will not forgive you for the continued lies. I will not forgive you for following me into my new life. It was mine, and you had no right! And I absolutely refuse to forgive you for that night. Right now, with this letter, I am absolving myself of blame for that event. It was your fault. You hurt me in ways you cannot possibly comprehend. I will never have that back. You stole that night.

Now I am thousands of miles away from you, and yet every relationship I try has your shadow falling over it. I will be fine. I found peace and strength from our relationship. The final step in my healing had to be this. I had to speak out and let you know what you have done to me. Maybe this way you won't make the same mistakes with other girls. If you have ever loved me, never put another person through this hell. No one deserves it.

The End,

Abbey