It would seem that once a heart is torn apart ... ripped apart by a former love ... that it never quite fully heals. I am laying waste to such a dated concept.

You told me that the first time you met me, you thought I was just one of Jess's boys. Honestly, I didn't even want her to come sit practically on top of me. Besides, you were with one of your "other" boys, and I just introduced myself to be polite. I figured that I couldn't win them all, and just decided to stick around and be friendly to all the ladies in the house.

And then, one night, I talked to you forever ... well, it seemed like forever to me. Sitting on the back porch ... chattering on about nothing and everything ... and it was a time where I shed my insecurities, even if it was only for a night, and opened up to someone. Yeah, I guess I have beer to thank for it, but there was more there ... more than the beer could disguise, and more than I think I let myself feel that first night.

In bed, I didn't want to touch you, for fear that you might think something of me ... or think badly of me ... how much I wanted to be a perfect gentleman. So we chatted some more ... every single time you touched me, I had so wished for you to put your arms around me and keep me there.

But you had it for Jon ... and I don't blame you ... I never have. I just tried to stay as close as I could without infringing on any boundaries. You still let me sleep next to you, and it became easier to put my arm around you. The feeling, however, of being truly close to you didn't come until you left.

I really didn't feel anything when you left town, but now that I write about it, I feel all the emotion sliding over me as silk over bare skin .... smooth and yet somehow painful ... if I would have felt then what I feel now, I don't know if I could have dealt with it.

We remained friends. And it staunchly stayed that way by mandate between both of us. You were too good of a friend to be thought of "in that way". And so it goes ... we still slept next to each other, and the nights were sometimes troublesome for me ... laying next to you ... wanting to confess how I really felt about you ... afraid that you might not accept those feelings. So I laid in wait.

When we went to Celebration on the Grand, I broke my previous promise and told you how I felt, but I shrouded it enough to be ambiguous, telling you that you were "beautiful without being a pretty girl". I meant it ... I still do.

And that night, for the first time in a long time, I enjoyed a true kiss ... one with no pretense and complete honesty. We both knew it ... and that was when I knew it was ok ... ok for me to have these feelings for someone again ... the way the blinds cast streetlight across your face in horizontal stripes ... the night was magical.

So it continued. I started the relationship as most any other relationship I've ever had, but as time progressed, I realized that I didn't need any pretense with you. I could drop my guard, enjoy the things I enjoy guilt free. A whole new world opened up to me.

And I have you to thank for it.

I am so in love with you. I love the way your hair flops over your face in the mornings ... I love the way that you get tired sometimes and just flop over onto the bed. I love the way you pop onto AOL IM at all the right times, and somehow, manage to make my life a lot more livable from across the state ...

With all my love and affection,

Bryan