I've been thinking, about us, well.. When there was an us. The way you used to look at me, with that big boyish grin, and how it would melt my little heart, simply because I loved you. I remember when we were on the phone, how you'd say "I love you" so softly, and how I always thought you meant it. I remember when you touched me, and the smile that always found me when you were near.. I remember the dreams I used to have of you, and I remember when we broke up.

You never knew what I did when we broke up, how I cried myself to sleep every night, how -when I did sleep- it was so fitful and cruel. I used to reach across my pillow in the morning, disappointed that you weren't laying there with me. How I'd "mope" around my house and think about how my world was empty without you in it. When you broke all my dreams again and again, and I kept holding on. I remember how it felt to miss you, to want you, to taste you.. Knowing I would have you once more, once you let go of your next toy. I always had you next, and that was why I could never let go.. You always came back.

I knew it was over when you said that your new girlfriend was the only girl you'd ever respected.. I had to move on, I had no other choice.. You know what? I did. Now I've met the most amazing guy, who actually loves me, and who treats me like a queen. He'd never cheat on me, and he'd never let me go like you did. He'd never treat me like dirt, like you did. He'd never ever hurt me, like you did. I found someone so much better than you.

I realized, after I found him.. That you never loved me. After feeling the love that my boyfriend gives me, you never loved me. I was your toy to use and abuse, because I was faithful. And you killed my faith for so long.. Every night I dreamt of you, and hoped you'd ask me back when we talked again, but now.. Now, I've grown up a bit, and I've learned something. I don't want you. I don't need you, and I no longer love you. Thanks for the abuse, and maybe when you grow up a bit, we could become friends.

-Nicki