I won't feed you that bull shit line of, "Why Me?"
But things haven't been exactly easy for me. To fill you in, You took my
mom away from me, causing that to crush my family never again being a family
again, you've moved me across miles of fields and mountains, and climates and
time zones. You gave me a step-family, which at times have been a blessing
and others a malediction. I've just pretty much have had my life broke, and
have tried to glue back the pieces, but I couldn't find any glue.
It has been 7 years since my mother has joined you, seven long blurry
years. I will be graduating high school this year, and I would love to have
her here to watch me. It has took me 7 years to realize that my natural born
family, will never be a family again. The idea slapped me in the face,
causing me to fall hard on my ass. I guess
'Ignorance is bliss'.
I am not at all accusing you of giving me a bad life. There are far worse..by
far worse. For you have blessed me with shelter, and food, and all the little
things we take for granted.
I guess being at the age I am, and coming to a realization, that life
will never be the same, has got me feeling a little blue. A little blue run
down and tired.
God, I am tired.
To rest my weary head in the cradle of your Universe would be my primrose
choice. but you make everything happen for a reason. Every adversity has it's
own sweetness. I will never understand why I have and am enduring this pain
and lost indescribable to words. All though I need to trust in You, in mother
earth, and the universe that surrounds her. I will not doubt, that you will
come out riding your white horse, being my knight in shining armor, saving me
from the dry well I have fell into. You always do.
I am sure I have made things more worse for me a long the way, habits I
feel I can not change, judgements about others, and attitude sure do affect
me. So I am not blaming you, or telling you that you gave me a shitty life.
(the goods equal the bads.)
I am just asking of your help. I need you. My heart aches for a life I had at childhood, the innocence, the happiness, that will never return to my
life. My heart aches for the girl I was suppose to become.
But little set backs have changed that. Just asking for you not to leave
me...
In Love and war,
Elizabeth
