It's funny how things are...ya know? It's funny how life can be such a
pain in the ass...How the people you expect to help you when you're down
just kick you. How the people you love the most can forget about you so easily.
It's weird, eh?
I won't go into things, Tib. I won't go into things between us. Because
every time I do, I end up with heartache. I end up hurting so much...and
knowing that you don't feel any emotion ... that hurts even more. But I will
ask you one thing: What does it feel like...to feel absolutly nothing? Are
you really that scared?
I wonder if you think of me. I wonder if you ever think of me. Like when you
meet a girl with the same name as me, or someone says something to you
that reminds you of a memory that we share. It's been almost two years and
I still can't seem to get you out of my head.
I don't know why I'm even writing this. I know you will never read it. It'll
say 'unread' in your message box until all eternity. I just know you won't
read it. And that hurts, too, ya know. That hurts because I know you don't
care. And as much as I can care...I know you will never care for me in
return.
It's weird because you were the one that reached out for me. You are the one
that held my hand. And now that you've given up and let go of me, I'm the
one chasing after you.
I know I was never good enough for you. You deserve the world, even though
you tried giving it to me instead of me you. And it hurts to know I'm a
failure - that I will always be one without you. But I don't know what else
I can do.
I can admit, now, that I'm scared and incredibly lonely with out you. I
can admit, now, that I once loved you so much that I couldn't tell you.
I can admit, now, that I'm not the evil person I always thought I was, and
just maybe, I can be loved.
I can admit, now, that I was a little messed up in the past...but I'm better
now. I swear. I can admit, now, that I think I may have been in love with you - or maybe
just the thought of you.
The thought of you being so far away makes me sad. It aggravates me that I
never had the chance to meet you, hear your voice, or see your
handwriting. There are so many things I regret in life when it comes to
you. I wish I could just start over and make things better.
I want a happy ending, Tib. I can't do this if you keep ignoring me.
So, I guess this is all.I miss you terribly.
Ashley
