Why can't you see how much we care for you?

I know that you're mad at us. And maybe you have every right to be. We did break your trust. We went out of our way to tell someone the one thing that we shouldn't have said. I'm sorry. Kim and Amanda are sorry.

We love you. I don't know what to say to you. We only did what we thought was best for you. It may not seem like it, but we were afraid of what you'd do. I was afraid Sabby.

It may have been partially for selfish motives. But I didn't want to wake up, get to school, and hear some stupid announcement at school that my best friend is... gone. I didn't want you to be a Sam. None of us did. That's the only reason we told them. We were scared. I've lost enough friends for one lifetime. I don't want to loose another.

I understand the risk that we took by telling Mrs. R. I know it could have pushed you over the edge. And I know that it could have made you hate us, like it has. And I know that you know we love you, and always will. We were too scared to stay silent. It would have been worse to say "we knew, we could've stopped her. But we didn't want to break her trust." I'd rather have you hate us, then you hate yourself until it makes you hurt.

Maybe your hurting now. In fact, I'm sure that you are. But please don't keep it inside. Tell someone. Let someone help you. Even if it isn't one of us. Emily, Brendan, Erin. ANYONE! Just don't hate yourself. I hate myself enough for doing this to you for the both of us. Please don't hate yourself. And please talk to me. I know it may be too hard now.

It may be hard to imagine. But I know what you're going through. Not exactly of course. But I know. How it feels to have the one person (or the three people) that you really trust betray you. I feel so horrible. The one thing I never wanted for anyone else was to feel what I felt. I thought that I could stop it from happening to anyone else. But I guess I just caused it. I caused you to feel the same pain that I ran from for so long.

I'm so sorry. Please Sabrina. Please forgive me. I understand that you're mad, and will be for quite awhile. I love you Snow Pea. You may hate me. And you may never speak to me again. And that was the risk that I took so that I could make sure that you stayed safe.

They told us to wait. Not to say anything to you. Not to pressure you into talking, or even seeing us. Well, I'll explode if I do that. I had to tell you somehow. And this is the only way I knew how. But how am I supposed to wait patiently in the wings while I see you destroy yourself piece by piece. While I see you aching like I did for so long. I don't know what to tell you. I'd say that I wish I could take it back, but I don't. I know that by taking it back I could save you from hating me and Amanda and Kim. But if I took it back, there'd be that I could loose that's even more important to me than your friendship. Your life, Sabby. I can live, it'll be hard, with you hating me. And with you putting all of your hate and anguish onto us. But at least you're here. You're alive. And I don't know if you would have been otherwise. Maybe you were never to that point. But it sure seemed like you were. It sure scared the hell out of me.

I don't know what else to tell you. I can never be sorry enough for the pain that I caused you. But I can never be more proud of myself, Mandy and Kim for what we did. I may not forgive myself for years about the way that I hurt you. But I would never ever in a million lifetimes forgive myself, or be able to live with myself if we didn't tell anyone. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to you, and I had to tell them that I knew, and that I could have stopped you. So I'm sorry. I love you always and forever and for more than that!

Love you forever Snow Baby,

Megan