I don't know if you remember me. It's been nine years since I left you. It's been nine years since I've seen my half brother. It's been nine years since I had to endure you.

But, you haunt me every day of my life.

I think for a while I tried not to think about you. I made myself sick with my addiction. I got over it, when I passed out for two days, woke up in a totally different place with no recollection of how I got there. As much as I want to deny it, I wanted to escape you. So I turned to heroin.

After that, I went alone and found myself in church. that didn't work. I didn't feel it in my heart. My revenge on you was plotted in my head. I never went through with it. You called a few times shortly after I left you. Always pretending to be so happy and up, but I know you're not. You've always been miserable.

It's not my fault, you know. I didn't force you to have sex with my dad and get pregnant. I know you were married for a year or two before you had me. I know my dad doesn't regret it at all. I know you might. Twenty is pretty young to have a child.I'mm 23 now - almost 24 - and I know I would have killed myself if that had happened to me.

Sometimes,Ii feel like I let you down. I feel like I stepped all over you. But, I know that it was just the thoughts you implanted in my head. I know that you set those little bombs to go off when you thought they would be necessarily.

You still haunt me.

I don't know how you do it, but you do. Everyday, there is something that will remind me of you and what I left behind. Maybe it's this damn city I live in. Maybe that just makes me remember more? Maybe it's more than that. Who knows.

I just want you out of my head. you are nothing to me. I don't love you anymore. I thank you for giving me life, but I hate you for taking it away from me.

You bled me. You beat me. You destroyed me. When someone is young - aren't you supposed to nourish them? Why did you terrorize me? Every day, I thought, would be my last. You nearly did kill me. But I was strong. stronger than you will ever be.

You took away my self-awareness and my confidence. How can someone forgive you for that? I tried for years to forgive you and give you reasons why you would do it. But, I came to the conclusion that you are just a cancer on the world. You didn't love me. You never did. You just used me to get money from my dad. You lied to him and tore my heart out. You completely mangled me.

My brother is like you now. I hope you're happy at the blackness and disease you've created. You should never have been allowed to procreate. I'm glad my dad divorced you, even though you were the one having the affair. He didn't even know about it until I told him. How about those apples? Yeh. I didn't like coming home from school, to watch you screw your now-husband on my father's couch, in my father's house.

Fuck you. Go to hell. You made my life miserable, I'm taking it back. It may have come from you, but it is *mine*. You are no longer in my heart.

With resentment no more,

Paige