We met in a storm, a personal maelstrom of confusion, uncertainty, pain,and self-doubt. We leaned on each other and in that communion, we found solace. Understanding, acceptance and true love without boundaries or limits. I never realized at the time how rare those qualities would be to find in a relationship and to this day, I regret every action that pushed you away from me and made you look for more.

I think that the hardest thing a person ever has to do is admit that they were wrong. So horribly and completely wrong that it affected everything else that occurred in their life afterwards. It's been four years since the last time we ever saw each other and you still reside in my heart and soul even if you don't know it.

No other woman before or after has been your equal. Your intelligence, your heart, and your beauty are a combination that is your own unique mystery. It is an old cliché that you don't know what you have until it's gone and once you were gone, it all became so crystal clear. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.

I've tried so hard to forget about you. I've erased your presence from my day-to-day existence. I gave away the bike you gave me as a birthday gift. Sold the car that contained the stereo you gave me for Christmas. Thrown away the navy blue shirt that had become threadbare from wearing and remembrance. The prosaic and simple act of *moving on* as everyone has told me over and over again.

Still, in the night, when the world seems to wrap around me, and I think of the past and the future, I can still remember the feeling of my arms wrapped around you. The way that you seemed to fit perfectly into the circle that they formed. I can still remember the sense of your breath on my neck as we slept together at night. I can remember the way you looked as you smoked a cigarette, the way you danced, the way you cried, and the way you laughed.

You've been the unseen *other woman* in every relationship I've had since. Preventing me from giving my heart entirely to anyone else. Making those unlucky women realize that I wasn't lying when I said I was damaged goods. Leaving me to my existence of eternal loneliness and sadness.

I want this feeling to go away. You've moved on with your life and as far as I know, you're happy. That's the way it should be and I only want the same for myself. I don't, I can't, believe that you were the only one who could ignite my soul with fire. I know that there is someone else out there for me. Still, I'm haunted by the memory of you. By the mistakes I made and the words I never said.

I'm writing to tell you that I am sorry. That I was a jerk and an idiot and that I deserved the lesson I was taught. But I also want my freedom. I want to be able to love again without fear. To be so entranced by someone that they fill up my world and I can satisfy their soul. I want that sense of breathless anticipation that builds as you come close to meeting again. I want to make plans with someone for the future instead of next week. I want to share my secrets and learn theirs. I want my heart back.

Thank you for everything you gave to me. I hope you have a beautiful life which is also my fondest desire for myself.

I will always remember you but I don't want to miss you anymore,

Antonio