It has been nearly a year since the last I saw her.  Approaching 40, and with my life heading in the right direction, I cast my heart into the abyss of love that was Terry.  From the first time we spoke in May 1996, we both felt something that we had not felt in a long time, if ever.  And when fate interceded and we met in September of that year and fell quick and hard in love, it seemed the storybook romance of legends.  You said all the right things, told me what I wanted to hear, and we built a trust and bond I felt would last through anything.  And when you eventually told me about your alcoholism, my gut said run, but my heart and mind felt that you really loved me and allowed yourself to be vulnerable to the loss in order to be honest.  What person could not admire that?

But then, when your great job offer came in Washington, I reciprocated and told you it would be nuts to stay with me when you would only be less than a 3 hour drive away.  Even though I started a new job, I dedicated myself to making a move to be near you again.  But how did you repay me?  Arranging meetings with other men?  Not returning phone calls?  And when I found out about it all.... you told me that you were just scared and alone in a new place and wanted to "date other men to make sure my love for you is enough to make permanent".  HUH?  My friends and family thought I was insane for allowing it, and I DEFENDED you.  You kept me stringing along while you gallivanted around sinful DC, just in case you didn't find someone who made as much money as you or whatever your reasons were.  Hell, maybe you hung with the Lewinsky/Tripp crowd for all I know.  And when I arranged several meetings with you to try and rebuild, you realized that you had to "find yourself" and needed more time.  Then when I asked to come and get the rest of my things you were SHOCKED... wondering aloud why it seemed as though I was moving in another direction away from you.   DUH!  I should have sat there and continued to be a freaking' doormat?

Well, since you kept telling me you didn't want to lose me from your life, but proceeded to never return a call or e-mail thereafter, I knew I was a fool.  You did me a favor by walking away, and you will NEVER find anyone who will accept you like I did.  I am sure once you announce your "problem", you'll have the dudes flocking to your side, like the Kennedy family.

I thank God almost every day that you did what you did.  It woke me up to realize how much I have to offer the right woman, and that I almost made the mistake of living my life with a person who could never give truly and completely.  A woman who is selfish and uncaring, who lives for the bottle rather than to be a partner and friend.  Since that time, the women I have met have restored my faith in that there is what I want out there.  I have had so many who want to be with me that it is often hard to juggle my time.  In addition, my careers have taken off, and I just took a new job with a company that is paying me 20% more than that large disaster I was with, which you encouraged me to go to.  So now the last ties to you are gone, and life could not be better.  The hurt in me for a long time wished nothing but sorrow for you, but now the Christian in me feels much pity for you.  Granted, you think your family was always against you, but the truth is you walked away from them and blamed your problems on what they "did" to you.  That was your way of projecting.... You claim AA is the only therapy you need.  As I once implored you, I will reiterate, find a professional therapist, or you will be doomed to make these same mistakes again and again forever.

One thing that is for sure, I really miss that little Noelle.  Every time I go to the mall, I slide by the pet store to see a cute little Bichon when there is one there.  I loved that pup unconditionally, and you know from the way she thought about me that she loved me too.  And since she is such a good judge of people and took to me right away, she gave you the clue you never got... that I was the best thing that ever happened to you.  But you blew that, and I thank you for it!  Life sure is funny sometimes, with the twists and turns taking you to some unreal places.  So to you I bid a final farewell, and a sincere wish you can get your life together.  It would be a shame if the talents you have go to waste.

Love,

Bryan